I could go on and on but I am gonna try to keep this brief. I genuinely need unbiased advice.
I am currently sitting in my bedroom in my family home, mid thirties female and can’t believe this is my life. When I was younger, the classic story - I thought and truly wanted to be married, own home, own children or at least, my own life. Instead, I feel like I threw the last decade away coasting. My old friends, coworkers, college mates have moved on with their own lives whether it be travelling, own homes, own families and I feel like I’m an overgrown student still living at home. Family are close knit. Any time I talk about moving or thinking of moving out, they get controlling. Thing is, I feel I coasted for the last decade or more. I had a professional job that paid well and should have moved on by now but I almost hid behibd as an excuse to not create a life of my own and continue living at home with family. I had one serious relationship years ago that ended and he married the girl he rebounded with. I was heartbroken for a long time as he seriously damaged my confidence and self worth throughout the relationship making me feel I wasn’t good enough. What hurt most is he was capable of treating someone right the whole time and gave someone else the world while he just used me. I isolated myself from friends who have moved on, living lives and making families and I have lost those connections now. I have one friend who persisted and she has a baby now and I look it her and think what have I done with my life. Literally f*cked the years away, trying with the wrong people, being a people pleaser and playing small when I had potential to have more in my life. I have gained weight, feel stagnant and I do feel like a loser in my life right now with no hope. The last short relationship I had was with a misogynistic pr^ck who trampled completely on any remaining self worth. I have steered clear of dating for now as I’ve concluded maybe relationships are not for me or at least, not right now. I do have a desire to make a plan and get my own life but I’m not sure how or if its too late or sad looking. Even if I manage to improve my life, lose weight and get my own home, men will keep looking younger or it takes years to convince them your worthy of a commitment so I’d be into my forties by then.
The worst thing about all this is it crept up on me. The amount of time I have wasted is criminal.
how can I fix it?
just a note- I didn’t spend years partying or travelling which for some would explain how I ended up here. I partied in college and nipped it. I’ve been living a very boring work-home life with my family in every corner of my life. Now I’m sitting here in my mid thirties with no life.