Hey, ik this isnt the patches emporium but since I'm playing seamless coop it kinda makes more sense to be here. Im looking for the dryleaf Dane set from the dlc. If anyone is willing to part with it, I'd love to take it off your hands
Hi, my name is Alejandro (name changed for privacy), and I’m a 26-year-old DM. I want to explain a situation that’s been weighing on me because I think I may have upset a friend, Barry (also renamed), and I want to handle it properly and learn from it.
Before my Elden Ring D&D campaign began three weeks ago, there were issues with Barry’s character. I was worried it might be too powerful or game-breaking. We came up with a plan that I now realize was a mistake: he would pretend to play a simple fighter, and later we’d reveal his true character as a surprise.
About two weeks ago, this started to fall apart. Megan (another renamed player), who helped with his character, became curious and pushed for it to be allowed. I felt guilty maintaining the deception and told her the truth. She was initially confused and a bit hurt but eventually understood.
When I told Barry, he was upset that I revealed it so quickly. That hurt, but we talked it through. We agreed he’d work on balancing his character, and Megan would stop monitoring him. At the time, I thought things were resolved.
However, during today’s session, another issue came up. At the start, another player (not Megan) needed access to something for roleplay that wasn’t normally allowed. To keep the session flowing, I temporarily allowed it, expecting it to be undone afterward. I trust that it was, but Barry noticed and seemed bothered. He didn’t make a scene, but brought it up privately.
Looking at it from his perspective, I understand why. I had been strict with him due to past experiences where I was too lenient and allowed overpowered builds. But in this moment, I bent the rules for someone else. That inconsistency may have made him feel singled out or treated unfairly.
I feel genuinely bad about that. I’ve been trying to improve as a DM, but I see I still have habits to work on. I’m realizing that inconsistent rule enforcement can make players feel unequal and undermine trust, even if that wasn’t my intent.
Right now, I want to take responsibility, apologize, and reflect. I don’t want any lingering discomfort at the table. I care about my players and want the game to feel fair and enjoyable for everyone.
This is my third successful campaign, so I’m still learning. My two questions are: is there anything I can do to help Barry feel better, and what can I do better as a DM? I’m also open to hearing what I did wrong.
Hi, My name is Alejandro (alt name for privacy) and i am a 26 year old dm. I want to explain a situation that has been weighing on me, because I believe I may have upset a friend of mine, Barry (for privacy reasons I changed the name as well) and I want to make sure I handle this properly and learn from it.
Before my Elden Ring D&D campaign began three weeks ago, there were already some complications surrounding Barry’s character creation. I was concerned that the character he was building might end up being too powerful or potentially game-breaking. During that time, Barry and I came up with a plan that, in hindsight, I recognize I should not have agreed to. The idea was that he would pretend to abandon his original concept and instead play a simple fighter, only for us to later reveal his true character to the group as a surprise.
About two weeks ago, this plan began to unravel. Megan (changed name), one of my closest friends, had been involved in helping with Barry’s character and became increasingly curious. She started asking questions and was determined to convince me to allow that character to be used. Seeing how much effort she had put into it made me feel guilty about maintaining the deception, and I ultimately decided to tell her the truth. At first, she struggled to understand, but after I explained everything and showed proof, she came to accept it, though she was understandably a bit hurt.
When I told Barry that I had revealed the plan, he was displeased that I had “cracked” so quickly, within the span of 5 minutes. That reaction hurt me, but we were able to talk it through. We reached an understanding that he would make an effort to better balance his character, and in return, Megan would stop trying to monitor or “police” him. At that point, things seemed resolved, and I believed we had moved past the issue.
However, during today’s session, another situation arose. At the start of the game, a different player (not Megan, this an entirely different person) and I realized that something we had planned for roleplay purposes was not accessible to her. In order to avoid disrupting the flow of the session, I made a quick decision to temporarily grant her access, with the understanding that it would be removed afterward. I trust that she followed through, but Barry appeared to notice what happened and seemed displeased, possibly feeling left out or treated unfairly. However I would like to say he did not make a public scene about it, but rather talked about it privately with me.
Looking at it from his perspective, I can understand why this might have bothered him. Earlier, I had been cautious and somewhat strict regarding his character, considering the last campaign I did I was a yes man waaaaaay too much which resulted in him making an absolutely broken character. Yet in this moment, I quickly bent the rules for another player. That inconsistency may have made him feel singled out, monitored, or treated differently compared to others.
As a result, I feel genuinely bad about the situation. From my point of view, I may have unintentionally made him feel restricted or unfairly scrutinized. That was never my intention. If anything, I have been trying to improve as a Dungeon Master compared to past experiences, but I recognize that I still have shortcomings and habits I need to work on.
What I am trying to do now is take responsibility, apologize, and reflect on how I handle rules at the table. I am beginning to realize that if I bend rules too often or inconsistently, then the rules themselves start to lose meaning. More importantly, inconsistency can lead to players feeling like they are not being treated equally, even if that was never the goal.
At this point, I can sense some discomfort or unhappiness, and I do not want that to continue. I care about my players and want the game to feel fair, enjoyable, and respectful for everyone involved. Moving forward, I am trying to determine the best approach—whether that means offering equal flexibility to all players or becoming more consistent and structured in how I enforce rules.
Ultimately, my goal is to make things right, learn from this experience, and become a better Dungeon Master. I want to ensure that no one feels singled out or treated unfairly, and that the game remains something we can all enjoy together. This is technically my 3rd successful campaign so far so I am still quite shiny, but can see some improvement. My two questions are; is there anything I can do to try and help Barry feel better and my other question is what can I do better? You could also tell me what i did wrong, that would also be nice.