Im cooked i fear
i'm kind of disappointed in myself for becoming addicted.
growing up both, my parents were chainsmokers and I'm pretty sure my mom smoked cigarettes when she was pregnant with me lol. now they vape. literally up until a couple months ago I was so against smoking nicotine. every time I was offered a vape I'd always say no, and when me and my boyfriend first started dating he quit nicotine because he did not want me to be uncomfortable.
at first, I'd only smoke a cigarette after work with my friend and we would just talk. then it was two cigarettes a night, and then I bought my own pack and then ever since then it's been like two or three a day. I keep justifying it because I'm going through a very stressful time in my life, especially in my relationships. but hiding it from my parents, making sure I drown myself in perfume so I don't smell like cigarettes before I come inside, and reflecting lol. I just feel very guilty and dirty. when I ran out of my last pack, I didn't buy anymore.
i've experienced some type of withdrawal from drinking coffee everyday but I have literally been thinking about a cigarette every single day since I quit. I mean, I don't like smoking nicotine, it's made my oral health start decreasing, my appetite is lower, i'm more irritable until ive had a cigarette. but holy SHIT idk how yall do it. Im ITCHING for a cigarette everytime i leave my house.
I have heard that the first time you quit is the worst cravings. But its about wraps for me im seriously about to ask a stranger for one. i've been smoking more weed to get the smoking sensation, but I cannot be high all the time 💀