u/Hungry-Course9997

(from the statement of a man: possible illegal workers)

---

It was Friday night, and I was waiting for my girlfriend. 
I was at her favorite bistro; I loved the place too, mostly for the craft beer and the homemade sausages. 
“Hey master! This brand‑new beer is incredible!” I cried out.
“Ah, you noticed? That’s our Elven Ale.” 
“Exactly. I wonder what the secret is… Is it the pour? Or the brewing process?”
The master let out a warm, amused chuckle.
"One thing is for sure–you’ve got a magic touch..." I murmured, leaning over the counter. "If I had already drunk too much, I’d say you were hiding elves back there... But that’s impossible!"
I laughed at my own joke. “Forget what I said”

He laughed too, then he leaned towards me and dropped his voice to a whisper.
“Bingo! I keep two elves back in the brewery. Maybe that’s my secret.” 
“Unbelievable!” I said, playing along. “How did you catch them? Do you live in a fantasy world?”
“Of course not… Honestly, I saved their lives once, so they’ve been returning the favor ever since.”
I watched his long, pointed nose. “It’s like a fairy tale is happening right here…”  
Just then, through a crack in the back office door, I caught a glimpse of small cages stacked in the shadows. 
The master laughed softly. “What’s wrong? You don’t really buy my tall tale, do you?”
“Sure," I said, my voice trembling slightly. “I can’t stop believing you. I can see it now… sometimes fairy tales really do come true.” 

I kept my eyes fixed on his nose. It was growing and growing, inch by inch, stretching out endlessly… There was no sign of stopping.

Thrust! --A man crashes into me with shoulder first. 
A heavy stab; something inserts to my left flank. My belly changes into as heavy as lead. 
I cough. I cough several times, and my throat gets burnt. 
Then I see what is sticking out from my torso. 
Ah! Knife.  

A man who thrust me is looking down with twisted lips. 
"I don't know what you are... but you shouldn't have coughed when you are stalkin', you bloody sack" 
I ignore his what-to-say. 
“You are late..." 
I cough. I face him, and cough. 
“...It's so close to our time’s up." 
“So, what? It's only your time up, not mine." 
Now my nostril is full of the iron smell. 
“Finally, you come to me. So…" I cough. 
While I am speaking, blood spatters from my mouth and spreads around. 
He keeps smiling evil, with a blood spotted face and bloody hands. 
“So, what do you say to me?” 
“I appreciate it.” 
“You, disgusting.” 

Without another word, he turns and walks away into the darkness of a sleepless city. 
He must believe he just finished me. 
I fall down to my knees. While struggling to stay upright, I watch him –the man who killed my wife and unborn baby– dissolve into the darkest alley through my misty vision. Darkness falls in my eyes. 
I lose his shadow, but his footsteps remain. Then, I hear a sound of triumph: he's coughing.  

He coughs! And he can not stop coughing. 
"You! What the hell..." He can't finish, because he's choking on a hard cough. 
I try to laugh, but instead, I fall forward and hit my face on the asphalt. No pain, only joy. 
In any case, my time is up. I have been carrying a fatal disease. 
This deadly virus is weak against oxygen but highly infectious, and will infect anyone who touches an infected person's blood. And it goes down through his skin, then deep into veins.  

He cries out, knowing his time is nearly up. And coughs. 
I've done it. Ah...my revenge!

I know, you can be very violent and brutal, when something doesn't go the way you want. Much like the person who owned me.

I used to be abused by a man, but I'm different from you, I was so weak and faint-hearted.  Eventually, I became a recluse. I retreated deep in my cage, deep in my mind.  

We –A man and A dog– met in a prison, in a rehabilitation program. 
You once called our meeting a ‘collision.’ That I remember. Good metaphor, I suppose.  Because it was an impact that broke the bars of both our cages.  

We spent enough time together, and I recognized that you and I had something in common.  

Now, I understand; We have become the ultimate partners. 
Though I am a Prison-dog, I have all the important things that you happen to have. Recently, you noticed them... sincerity, mercy, kindness and love.  

Tomorrow is the first meeting with my foster family. 
I know you are cheering for me, but I can smell the pride you feel for me. 
I'm afraid that... you might hide in the bathroom stalls to shed a tear for me in private.

He just looked at me; that’s how we met. 
Next time, I went there just to catch a glimpse of him. He looked downward and stared intensely. 
From then on, he came to that balcony every day. 
Ah. What a romance! Like ‘Roméo et Juliette,’ I suppose. 

One day, he suddenly called my name. How on earth did he know it?
“And your name?” I asked in a cotton whisper. 
“ Love …Ok, I'm kidding you! But what's in a name? It’s meaningless between you and me.” 
He shouted it aloud, I was so scared that someone might hear him. 
“You are a very name of Love," he continued, "and mine is but a puppet of Death.” 
“It's the opposite!” I whispered back. For he was on the balcony and I looked up from below. 
“I’m coming down to you, okay?” He said. 
Although I was thrilled, I had to reject his approach. 
“Never! We can never be together. Stay where you belong, please! Don’t come down.”  

But his mind was made up, “I want to get together with you, my sweet Death.” 
Finally, he came to me. He plunged from the bridge.

Since then, we’ve been getting along, happily ever after beneath the cold river.

Once in the mid 21st century, there was a mid-sized travel agency in Tokyo, Japan. Due to certain bizarre rumors, very few customers came in to book the packages that were most popular at other agencies.  

A customer has just stepped into the booth. Let’s see what is happening: 

---

"Lookin' for a Multi-verse Tour for your relation? 
Well, it’s a present for …your uncle's birthday? Not your parents, but only him?  Hmm…good.  

Ah, yes yes, there's a good one. Here, this brochure explains everything.
But…there are some important points we’d like you to keep in mind.  

If you get separated during the tour, we will not wait for you. 
Participation is at your own risk.  

Oh! You already know that? Then you know how wonderful that our plan is!  

Unfortunately, in the past, 42 people were left behind in an alternate-dimensional Hawaii… 
Yes, I suppose they are living happily ever after in Alt-Hawaii. 

Of course, we never received a single complaint. Thank you. "

---