u/I_Was_So_Wrong

I spent years thinking that "suffering is caused by desire" meant that we should not want anything; that way we'd never be disappointed. While there’s some truth in that, and while lowering my expectations sure made it easier to be happy, that turns out to be a misunderstanding of what the Buddha was talking about.

I was surprised to learn that taṇhā refers specifically to craving or thirst. It is not unskillful to desire lunch, or happiness for all sentient beings. It is just counterproductive to crave or thirst for things in a needy way: being attached to achieving them. So I have come to prefer the translation that "All life has friction, and the friction is amplified by craving."

Realizing this has helped make more sense of the practice. I still desire meaningful work (in my case, songwriting) but try not to be attached to, or yearn for, a superb outcome.

I spent years thinking that "all life is suffering" meant we’re all just trying to get through the day without crying. Ram Dass liked to say "We're all just walking each other home." While there’s some truth in that, and while it sure helps me feel empathy for other people, it turns out to have nothing to do with what the Buddha was talking about.

I was embarrassed to learn that dukkha simply refers to a warped potter’s wheel or an off-center axle hole. In other words, things are never perfect in life. There are always annoyances and even very real tragedies in life. Without those, it would not be life; there are no such troubles for the people in the cemetery. So I have come to prefer the translation that "all life has friction."

Realizing this completely changed my understanding of the practice. "Things" are never going to be perfect or get perfect, and in any event they are not going to last. Meditation was no longer a nice break from the day-to-day realities of life; it was just practice for dealing with those realities.