u/IcyWrangler6200

Well, it's official. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from my job and my NBoss's behavior.

I don't know if I can go back to work in that environment. My employer is big enough they could reassign me as an accommodation for PTSD but they are stingy about that, so I'm not holding my breath.

I've shared about my NBoss here before but not what happened that gave me PTSD. I saw horrific things at work after NBoss decided we would all be doing emergency work (it was not originally) I told him it was traumatizing me, he told me I had to learn to cope.

Everything under that boss now has to do with emergency work, there's no way to modify it. I don't want to quit because I need the income, it's all so demoralizing.

I'm trying so hard to find another job but I'm coming up dry, which has never happened to me before.

I pray things change soon.

My FMLA runs out in the next month and while I've been doing intensive therapy, seeing the doctor, I feel a wave of dread at having to return.

I've also been job hunting like mad. I had one interview during FMLA (2 before) but none have progressed past the first interview.

I've engaged my states employment help for people with disabilities and they seem very positive they'll find me a new job but probably not before I have to go back.

I fully expect retaliation for using FMLA and I expect HR and senior management to do nothing. Before leaving for FMLA they told me they took "appropriate action" against my NBoss and that I would a) not be transferred from his supervision and b) no third party will be included in 1:1 meetings. I didn't find out this decision was made from them either, I found out when he darted into my office and asked me what days I wanted to have 1:1s. I had to confirm this with HR because he lies and I don't trust a word that comes out of his mouth.

I do feel more confident about standing up to him and be firm with boundaries but I just...don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't want to see his smug face or put up with the whiplash "love bombing" followed by abuse.

I guess I just wanted to vent for a minute to others going through this crap. I guess if I can't find something before going back I'll have to find a way to disengage and not let him guilt me for it. I say that because my job typically needs collaboration and I don't want to collaborate with him.

Oh and big "thanks" to my government (USA) for tanking our economy. This is the first time I haven't been able to find something new quickly and it's absolutely because of this administration blowing up the job market.

While I've been on leave I've been reflecting on what it is about me that my NBoss saw and exploited.

Before this boss I had 2 in a row that were horribly ableist and discriminatory.

One allowed a powerful donor to mock my disability around me and told me that donors are more important than my feelings. That boss also kept asking me why I even worked in my field if I'm disabled, and fought my accommodations.

After I left that job, my next boss told me I exaggerated my skill level when I asked for accommodations for my disability. They refused to accommodate me. That workplace liked to brag about how accessible and inclusive they were too.

Understandably this left me in a very depressed, anxious, and vulnerable state when I interviewed for and accepted my current job. I think my NBoss saw that and knew he could exploit it. I was so desperate for a crumb of accommodation and respect for my skills I bet I radiated it.

I wonder if anyone else feels like NBosses can sense this stuff?