Why do I care
Hey all, thank you so much for taking your time and helping me with my issue, I’m not sure if I’m doing this right so feel free to let me know. My main question is why do I care and why can’t I just let it go or disconnect from my friend. This question is going to need a lot of context sorry.
Context: my friend and I have known each other and have been pretty good friends since 6th grade, we have tons of mutual friends and competed on the same baseball team all throughout high school. But come the end of our junior year myself and a few friends were playing hacky sack on the field when one of our mutual friends threw a hacky sack at him despite the fact he wasn’t playing the game this really upset my friend and caused him to grab our mutual friends stuff and throw it away. I do want to add that my friend had broken his arm in the past month but the hacky sack hit his leg but I summed up his frustration as a build up from his arm being broken. I thought all was fine until he blocked and removed our mutual friend from everything.
I later check my phone only to see that he texted me some words I couldn’t use but to sum them up he said screw you and your friends I’ll see you next school year. Which to me really confused me as I didn’t understand what I had done to deserve the text. Now the actual text is a lot worse and curses and uses a slur so it had me a bit upset as I wasn’t apart of anything I had thought. I later called him hoping to talk it out and to see his perspective and then explain how I felt. When we got on the call I was really hoping for just an apology but he starts the call with I really want to sympathize with you but I can’t. I didn’t really like that I got even more upset but continued to let him talk but there wasn’t an apology what so ever in his entire talk. He then asked me to say what I had to say and I said I was hurt as I didn’t do anything and then he cut me off explaining that it was because I didn’t tell the guys to not throw the hacky sack at him. At the time and now I still don’t think it was that big of a deal because it wasn’t throw super hard it seemed pretty soft. But I got to the point where I just told him hey listen I just don’t see this conversation going anywhere let’s chat later when things have cooled down.
So I hung up the phone which he wasn’t happy about and he continued to text me. I was with my family and extended family and they could all tell I was getting upset so my mom took my phone and just told him I wanted some time. He later texted me saying that it was really immature of me getting my mom involved and that I should’ve been a man and figured it out. This upset me further as I still hadn’t gotten an apology so I just kind of started avoiding him as every time I was talking to him or near him I go this feel that I can only explain by like a hole in my stomach or the feeling of fear before you do something scary. But thanks to our mutual friends it was kind of hard so at some point we talked again where I finally explained I’ve been waiting for an apology but he told me that he said so at the very beginning of our first call that he apologized. I then told him I don’t recall him ever saying sorry and so he responded with it’s at the very start I recorded the call. I first thought wow recording our call for what purpose but then asked if I could hear it cause if so I would like to and would also like to apologize for the way I’ve been behaving as that would be my fault. He then either told me that I trust him or I don’t and that would be that. I told him that’d I’d trust him and wouldn’t bring it up again.
Question: Flash forward a few months we don’t hangout anymore and every time I think about the situation I get that feeling and every time I think about wanting to see our mutual friends I get that feeling. I want to forget about it like our mutuals have but for some reason I can’t it’s like I get brought back to that very moment every time he or something connected to the incident crosses my mind. I’m not sure what to do. Additionally I just got done with a very unique experience that let me meet a ton of new friends and I feel that I want to just cut off all ties with that friend and maybe even mutuals too. But I just don’t know why I still care so much why years later I can’t get this moment out of my mind.
Thank you so much for reading this far I’d really appreciate your thoughts on the matter but if not no big deal thanks again.