u/Ill-Musician-4616

Part 1 Part 2

"I don't know what a stapler is either and your skin is falling off your face by the way" she almost gives me a fright as she starts laughing, she stumbles off the ledge and walks over towards me, just giggling "You're a idiot" looks me in the eye as I can see her focus on pulling her face back together, watching it sink back into her skull she says "Better?" "Better, hey if we go to the house I stay at right now, we'd have about a good few hours before he'd be missing from work" she tilts her head and widens her eyes "Is that you making a decision?" I look away, if only from my own shame "I don't have a choice really, if destiny is real, this is it I suppose" "No way, if you're gonna be irresponsible and change the course of your life it's because you chose spontaneously, fuck destiny" still staring me down it almost makes me nervous "Well at least if this does work out, we'll have things to talk about" she takes a step back "So we're really gonna do this yeah?" "Do you think if I were to be nervous it's even me? Or I've spent too long being this person that his feelings are colliding with mine?" "I don't know you enough to make that judgement, if you forgot, we met a few hours ago" I can't help but smile "Shut up, let's go, before it gets too late" "Wait, what's even the plan? Go kill em', take his shit and move on?" "You're the one who talked me out of replacing him" I start walking towards the way we came up "Maybe that's just how we live yeah? Knocking people off, take their shit, keep moving, fuck around forever" honestly, if I had've thought something like this could've happened tonight, I might not have left the attic at all but... "That actually sounds like a great time, maybe co-pilot someone's house from time to time" I turn around next to the way we came up and see her still stood still "Are you coming?" "...Yeah I just didn't think you'd commit to this, thought you might put it off or something" she seems to brighten and starts trotting towards me "Well I'm not giving myself the chance, let's just do this and if it's worth it I can't regret anything, especially not doing it"

She's a funny character, she's skipping down the street next to me on the way to go kill other me and I can't help but feel like I've made the right decision, something to brighten the days, make them feel whole, I think she could talk me into ruining my life and I'd smile doing so, like she'd make a house fire feel like a campfire, maybe she already is.

I'm still nervous, still some survival instinct in my head screaming at me to stick to my comfort, my routine, my plan, my stupid plan, I think she's right, I think it'd take 5 minutes for me to realize I don't have a clue what I'm doing as a human and then go back on the run again, maybe my hopes are too high and the magical future I'm seeing is all in my head, but I'd give anything for it, anything to try, love is sacrifice, all my dumb daydreams of romance are taking over.

You're nearly caught up to where I am, I don't know what you see in this journal, I don't know why you think I'm so interesting, but I hope it helps you choose to live in a way that makes u feel seen.

"This is it" looking at the house as if I'm looking at the years I've spent here, all about to disappear for a few hours of convinced hope of freedom, a lot of conflicting feelings, none of them finding footing before the encroaching death march I'm hoping feels like freedom but maybe I'm not a magnifying glass, maybe I'm an ant that takes pleasure in evading the sun beams, I don't know, I'm excited to kill again, if I was human I'd be a great hunter, I think that says enough.

I continued "What isn't normal is that the lights are on... This is weird, he's never up this late" "Well, this is a good start to figuring things out together" she seems eager for a challenge "I usually sneak down the right side of the house, there's no low windows so I can slide against the wall, he's always a deep sleeper so sound isn't usually a concern but this is weird" "Definitely a coincidence" "Definitely not" I flash a quick grin against her cheeky prod, it's like she already knows I'm instinctively religious "So what'd we do mister routine?" I grab her at the wrist and put my finger to my mouth as I pull her towards the side of house and sink into darkness "We figure it out" I whisper as I crouch to the edge of the house, we roll along the side and I begin to hear voices, voice... is, multiple, I've never even heard him talk to his parents on the phone let alone have a visitor.

Definitely female, must be that late outing... Maybe this could be cool, I've got a plan.

Standing at the back of the house, I know there's a corridor before the lounge they're sitting in and the actual comfort space is around the corner so if we enter from here they won't see us, and I know where the key is and this door don't creak.

Having slipped into the house and painting the wall in the corridor, she still looks wired and ready to go "Are you ready?" "Fuck yeah" a certain fire behind her eyes reminds me why I was persuaded in the first place.

As I walk out into the lounge, I feel a sense of a containment glass shattering like a zoo animal breaking out, this is everything I practiced for, maybe not exactly like this but here we go.

"Ahh, who are you? What're you doing in my house?" They both turn to face me with a fright and the woman's face is a sight, other me locks eyes with me and is frozen, he bearly spits out "w ww ww what the fuck?" I'm looking at them from the side of the couch they're sitting on together, he starts scrambling backwards even kicking the girl as he thrashes backwards and then falls over the other side of the couch, I've just gotta hold them for like a minute longer.

"You're not going anywhere" I pace towards the other side of the couch and latch onto other me, man I can't imagine how that feels, well it's about to get a whole lot worse for you buddy.

I pull him up to his feet and whisper "You're going to die tonight" as I let the disguised face I hold slowly melt, with a toothy grin, a couple of teeth pop and fall onto the floor, I can feel my eyes droop down my face and one of my cheek bones follow, making my grin lopsided.

His eyes look faint as his legs wobble, he's gonna drop so I let him go, he slumps to the floor and I turn to the lady, I hoped my friend would've been out here by now to deal with her but maybe my corroding face will be enough.

She sees me and just freaks, screaming down the place, I think she's realized now that's she in danger and she leaps up and runs for the corridor I came from.

She runs head first into my friend and falls backwards onto her hands, my friend struts forward, looking down at her, she's done a good job of copying her quickly, she probably changes often "You'll be joining him" in a voice that doesn't match the womans, which might make it even worse.

I don't think she's gonna pass out, she looks pretty sturdy, before I can do anything she catches a good hard foot to the face and the back of her head bounces off the floor, she's out "I don't know how long we've got but, hopefully a few minutes at least" I try to maintain seriousness and urgency but my friend... "I guess I didn't really need to change into her at all if I was gonna boot her in the head, that was well done, good fun aye?" I laugh out my nose "Yeah... Good fun" maybe we are a good balance.

We begin carrying them up to the attic, this is going to feel even more surreal, in my home, my space, other me doesn't even come up here usually.

Between carrying them up the stairs, my friend pleas "I wanna fuck with them more, even just a little, test some things, I think I could try to control my change and fuck with her body, focus on shifting through me into her, I wanna try" she's looking at me almost like a sad puppy "But if we eat them now and go, we don't risk the cops arriving from all the screaming earlier" "ugghhhh, at least one of us is responsible I suppose" "although, I guess we have to kill them anyway, doesn't matter if we make a mess, do whatever you want, fuck it" her face lights up like I imagine a small child does on Christmas "So we're just gonna do whatever, as long as it doesn't take forever?" "Yeah, sounds good to me, I wanna see whatever you're about to do honestly" "Well watch and enjoy, don't need her awake" I can't help but feel wrong for being in the attic and not in the wall, can almost hear other me banging around downstairs in muscle memory, am I really ready to let this go?

She drags the unconscious woman to the wall and props her up against it then sits next to her, other me is next to me out flat in the middle of the room, I feel like I'm about to witness some sort of super power, I still know very little about myself let alone what we are.

"You ready?" She looks at me like she can't wait to show off "Eat your heart out" she sits in the same manner, against the wall looking back at me, she interlocks her hand with the woman and closes her eyes.

Before I can wonder what she's about to do, the pointer finger on the womans other hand begins to swell, and swell, and swell, I can see the skin begin to tear before it pops and erupts like a blister, just a skeletal finger left behind, even better, she wakes up, her eyes open and she stares straight into me "I don't feel right" she blurts out in a desperate panic and then she violently throws up but it just doesn't seem to stop, food then bile then blood, but still it doesn't stop until she's just heaving, chunks of all I can assume are her stomach or intestines or lining shoot out of her mouth and splash against the foul mixture on the floor.

She can't scream but I feel like she's trying, still just heaving as her body betrays her and she's turning herself inside out, she stops for a second and looks back towards me with blood drueling from her mouth she spits "please god make it stop" her mouth seems to catch on something before it closes and it opens wider and wider, stretching, her lips split like paper at the corners and then the sound of her jaw twisting, with a crack it flops and rests on top of her chest, the loose skin looks like a rolled up sleeve, only attached at the skin at the back of her neck but her skull keeps going backwards until it meets her spine, blood still flowing out of her throat like a fountain.

My friend opens her eyes and looks at me with a foul grin "I made a volcano, had to figure out was I was doing first but not too bad yeah?" I don't even respond, just amazement, I snap my wide mouth closed and she laughs at me, I look over at other me and say "Don't expect anything fancy out of me, I was planning on using one of his kitchen knives or something" "Boring, we'll have to figure out you're magic touch" "Maybe but not tonight"

I look over to the old loose board, to my old home, remind myself of my journal and walk over to retrieve it, explained to her what it is and that I'm going to use other me's phone to post it online, see what comes of it, and now here I am, sitting amongst the blood, actual guts and bile, writing away while my friend watches other me, just in case he wakes up.

She's already told me a few times to hurry up but I want to make sure I do this right, I do care now.

I'm going to kill this man, post this bullshit and disappear, if you hear about a random disappearance or murder nearby, maybe take pity on the murderer not the victim because their nature might be keeping them invisible and they might only crave a few moments to feel alive, if someone close to you starts acting weird, let them, might be the only time they get to be themselves, lucky bastards you are, don't get me confused, I believe in morals but also believe in thriving, maybe mine just looks different.

Maybe her and I can find some sort of life, some sort of freedom, I didn't anticipate any of this, maybe once we're on our feet I could write again.

So maybe this will be the sunrise, the sunrise where I am seen, as I gorge myself on this man and wonder again if this is coincidence or destiny, if god is watching or has he abandoned us, maybe she's right, it doesn't matter if I'm enjoying myself, maybe you should too, whatever you do, live in a way that makes u feel seen, just in case you find someone like me living in your walls.

Part 1

I don't know how long I'll do this, maybe once I replace other me I'll stop, I figure shit out as I go, that's how I got this far, I guess I started this just to vent, not knowing whether you're the only kind of your race in existence needs a chaser or something.

There's alot of earlier stories to tell, one day maybe, but for reference I've been here in this house for seven and a half years, which is when I started to focus on taking in information about humans primarily, maybe Three years ago I decided I would replace who I call other me, living infinitely as a shadow is pretty limiting when u crave the light.

Something I've noticed, the longer I make muscle memory of skin jumping to this guy, the more I feel him inside my head but not in a sense that I'm sharing my mind, I don't notice how much space is unoccupied in here until he starts filling it up, with opinions and feelings, charisma and personality, funny thing is, I don't know whether I have this space to be filled as I copy and inherit things or if I'm supposed to fill it myself, does something that's whole purpose is to copy have natural personality, natural anything, I don't know, to be honest the more I think of myself, the more I want to replace someone else.

You probably don't wanna hear so much detail, if you have any interest in this it's probably not because I feel deeply but that is what I have, hiding and thinking, humans do that shit too and hardly anyone pays attention to each other but.. to be fair I don't understand you people at all so what do I know? I need some more rest before I've regained my strength but I'll talk as I get moving again, I'm going to continue to write in first person present tense and do my best to recall everything so that it feels as alive as possible, if I am to steal your shoes, maybe my writing will help you walk in mine.

So I have arisen, judging by the leftovers in the fridge I was out for two days, he has his meals on a routine, pizza means it was the end of the weekend, I was out for the whole weekend, guess that's what the weekend's for anyways.

Usually I go out to study his voice but I'm going to realign my plans today, I think I'm very close to holding a full transition so I think it's time to focus on it as much as possible, also means I need to plan his murder, all I really need to do is hide the body well since he's not actually going anywhere as far as anyone else is concerned.

In all of this, I get this feeling that after I transition, I'm not even me anymore anyway so it's counterproductive, not me internally I mean, I mentioned the more I've been making muscle memory as this guy, the more he's rubbing off on me, the more I think and I suppose feel like he does, how much of yourself would you sacrifice to live the life you've always wanted? Does it even count if it's not truly you living it anymore? Would I be nothing more than a machine? A magnifying glass for other me? I don't know, maybe if my job is to copy, it's not my job to think in the first place... Then again if I hold pieces of any puzzle I touch, would I not be able to think with a deeper expanse of any regular puzzle? Or is it just that my pieces don't fit so I keep hunting something I can't find?

Ah fuck if I know, I'm too far in now, when I woke up my body had gone back to copying other me, I had to rearrange myself a little when I came downstairs but not as much as usual, I'm so close now does any of it really matter?

Tonight I'm going out, tonight I practice going out like a normal person, tonight I'm going to be one of you truly for the first time.

When he comes back from work and goes to sleep, I'm going to sneak out and go to an arcade, I've stolen money from this guy over the years when he's asleep and such, just incase.

Feel like a child, sneaking out, I'm so nervous to be in public even if I'm just apart of the crowd of the arcade or whatever, if something bad happens, if my skin jump fails, I'm fucked, everything falls down around me but I guess if I take his place, this risk will be my everyday.

He's gonna be home soon so I've swept the house for anything out of place, here I am staring in the mirror, double checking I look like someone I'm not, I look down and see one of my toes is kind of crooked from when I kicked the fridge rushing around earlier, I wonder if in a full conversion, if I'll begin to feel pain, anyways I have plans so I stretch my toes and feel the bone crunch and align back into place.

Looking at yourself under the skin of someone else is something I can't describe, it's like there's something under my eyes compared to looking at a human that's normal, it's the eyes, there's something so connected to your soul I guess you'd say, although I don't think it's something you'd see if you didn't know, but sometimes I feel like a thief, I look and see the monster you all might see me as, some abomination and the skin covering me looks foul and feels rotted, like the suit that it is, like clothes that don't quite fit, do humans ever feel like that? Do they ever wish to be somebody else? Maybe we're not so different, maybe we all hide who we really are and put on the best clothes that don't quite fit and hope that nobody notices, maybe we're all just ants getting burnt, well don't judge me then and let's all burn together.

He's home, he's home and I'm up in the attic and I'm getting so nervous and I don't want to go but I know I should.

I tremble, here in the wall, me, the monster... I tremble at the thought of you, in hopes only to thrive, I tremble.

After he's sure to have drifted off I make my way down and out.

Standing out in the cold street, it's crisp, I haven't felt such a cold before, a sort of cold that, looking over my shoulder at the house and in the shadow of the streetlamp, makes it look so vivid, outlined, everything looks so real tonight, maybe it's me, maybe I'm more in my body than my head tonight, or maybe it's my eyes, maybe his eyes tell me ideas I never had the perspective for.

I almost feel comfortable, brushing my hand against leaves as I walk past, I almost feel like one of you, walking past groups of people laughing and chatting meaninglessly, passing bars, I feel no difference, just trying to feel alive, just trying to fit into my skin, I can't wait to replace him.

To watch the life drain from his eyes, is to feel it transfer into mine, and I will feel no remorse, the same way you work your empty jobs, extorting yourselves for money and shit you don't need, the same way you abuse the chemicals in your body to stop yourself from suffering, you kill yourself to survive, for comfort, for whatever makes it feel worthwhile and what you do to each other is no less than cruelty, whatever to fill those holes, to feel you belong in your skin, I would kill many for a chance at your cruelty, would you?

This arcade is massive, I mean I knew it was big but places of entertainment being bigger than most homes confuses me.

I wander around for awhile, looking at the games and people playing them, enjoying myself even just watching, the stimulation is a lot for an attic dweller, I don't even know if I will play any of them or just watch all the emotion pour out of these people.

There's this woman here, we've made eye contact a couple of times, she's exceptional, her eyes radiate colour and she has such conviction yet feels so gentle in mannerism, makes this place disappear around her, I've only ever heard of feeling such things, this feels so comical, she couldn't be copied, not the exact same way, even from what I've seen tonight, I'd notice the difference.

Walking around, feeling the atmosphere, I wonder if I've ever seen another being like myself and that's when it happens, that woman, she pushes past me and says "I know what you are" and as she walks away I swear I saw something in her eyes, the same thing I see in mine when I see myself.

She looks back over her shoulder at me and nudges her head to the side, telling me to follow, I'm still processing everything, takes me a few seconds to catch up and then I continue in the same direction she did, so many thoughts and feelings racing, I'm calm but far from collected.

She walks out a back door into a dim alleyway, she makes it feel even more dingey than it is because she stands out so much, I'm still overwhelmed in feelings, I don't have time to observe them all but here we go, I step back out into the cool air in this surreal night, I hadn't until now even thought to question her intent.

"What do you want?" I blert out in a tone more aggressive than I meant, not even the words were right but I just couldn't slow down yet, she says "There's not many of us around anymore, it's good to see my own kind is still alive, do you want a friend? I mean a real one? We can talk about all of this? But maybe not here" I think about crushing her head against the brick wall, she knows what I am, am I stupid? If someone knows who I am, I risk getting caught, I don't know her, I don't know what she wants, just because she's one of my kind doesn't mean she's looking out for me, we're all just animals trying to survive, I could smash her head against the wall and then carry her body somewhere and peel her skin off, I could burn her into nothingness, even I'm not sure what our weakness is but I'll try everything to find it if I have to, something foolish in me says, she could be you're only chance at being truly seen and then everything stopped, everything changed, my whole purpose of existence seem to shatter in this thought.

"How do I know I can trust you? This is fucked, I've never seen something like me before, I don't even know what I am, who you are even? How do I know you're like me, none of this even makes sense" she steps onto a back foot, takes a deep breath in, "I don't remember being born either, no family, no friends, first time I remember changing was into a cat, a small tabby kitty, I was patting her and then I felt the fur crawling up my arm and before I got the chance to understand what was happening, my body started to shrink and my bones started retracting and then I'm on all fours, don't see colours the same when you know they change depending on the eyes you're looking through, out of all of this I'm just glad you're aware, out of the four, well six, I've met you're the first that isn't still feral" every word she says I feel like I should listen twice, this could be some of the most important information to my understanding of life in general, the only other perspective of my own existence, "Feral, what do you mean feral" "so I was right to think you'd not met one? The only theory I have is that after changing into so many different things we gain consciousness of our own, we have enough internal blueprint to realize we're alive and we have choice, not just survival"

"When I say feral, I mean philosophical zombie, without reflection, we only have changing, we don't even truly exist further than jumping from being to being" maybe it's because of social isolation but I always thought I was smarter than other life forms, but this woman, I guess you call her, is saying shit that even I'm not sure what she's means, out of any being how could we exist without consciousness and what the fuck is a philosophical zombie?

"Honestly I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and the fact you know what I am makes me think..." She cuts me off "you should find a way to kill me? You getting comfortable in someone elses skin? Thinking about replacing them? Is this the first conversation you've ever held? Do you think you could truly replace someone? I remember when I tried, got them fired from work because I didn't know what a stapler was or how to use it, and her shitty boyfriend tried to hit me because I wouldn't have sex with him, so I ate him, I held his hand and forced myself to change and because we were still touching, his body didn't know what to do and imploded, I felt it, his heart exploded from the pressure, his bones splintered and as his ribs pierced into his lungs and he began to turn inside out as his chest split open like he was folded too far, so I ate him, I must've messed something up because now sometimes when I change I have an extra finger or toe, one time I had an extra ear off of my forehead like a radar"

She laughed, she laughed like I wasn't reshaping my whole existence based off of where this conversation goes, if anything her being so comfortable makes me uncomfortable, she continues "anyway, sorry, this is probably a lot, I don't really talk to anyone either, we should get out of this alley and go somewhere we can talk and not have to think about what's going on around us" "I think that's the most sense you've made all night but..." "Oh stop it" she cut me off again "Not only do you not have anyone else, you might never get an opportunity to even try to trust someone again, come with me" "you say that like you have others" honestly I'm already sold but the way she talks as if I have something to gain and she has something to give... "Had others" "But you said" "I know what I said" she keeps cutting me off, it's like she's done this before, part of me trusts her, part of me knows I wouldn't live knowing I didn't try, oh, what a monster I am.

Walking through quiet streets accompanied is a first, she strolls confidently, I follow uncertain, I think she's more experienced than I am, I think I'm in way over my head but I'm too bewildered to care.

Feel like the whole world's about to change, in all reality it probably won't change anything and will mean sweet fuck all, I'll go back to living in the wall and replacing some loser who isn't even enough of a loser to go to bars on weekends with friends, for someone who's never been out of his box and always wanted to be, this isn't exactly what I meant.

"You ever go on the rooftops?" She grabbed my hand and started leading me down an alleyway "Yeah, all the time to study people" she frowns "But to enjoy the view too right?" "I mean I enjoy a nice sunset from a park bench from time to time, but usually rooftops are like, work time" "well not tonight"

Rooftops feel different at night, special, like you're in some sort of dream, or you're above everybody else, only those on that rooftop are apart of it.

Sometimes I wonder if I see things like this differently because it's different for me, I don't get outside comfortably, I don't have friends, I don't get much life experience, any crumb of life I get I soak in like a sponge, I have no desensitization.

"So what'd u want from me? Seems you've been looking for a conscious... Whatever the fuck we are for awhile, so just hit me, I've never done this before so don't beat around the bush or whatever, otherwise I just won't understand" she steps up onto the ledge and looks out "I like being a monster, I once was a cat that tripped someone up so that they fell in the middle of the road and I watched them crunch as a bus hit them, that woman was a bitch anyway, not the point, I don't want to be a monster alone, that sucks, I want to be seen, I want to be chaotic and change and rampage and terrorize with someone else so it means something more than just survival, I can thrive by myself but what's the point, I don't know, I've never liked being alone..." I cut her off for once.

"We were built to be invisible but feeling it is a different kind of invisibility, I think about that a lot, get all religious about why we were even created, I like being a monster as well, you said you've eaten someone? I think humans taste decent, one time I tested whether or not being related makes them taste the same, so I ate a woman and her child, the child was young enough that the bones were easier to break and I remember the happy smile on his face as I lured him away from school in his mother's form, what's even better is I think I learnt what love felt like from skin jumping that woman and then I proceeded to take it away to test a theory, but this was early days, very early days, regardless I wish more than anything to be seen, honestly if I wasn't so instinctive about survival I think I would already be ready to commit to whatever you want for a chance at it so what's the plan?"

Fuck me, what am I doing? I know what I'm saying is true but I'm screaming at myself from the inside at the same time.

She turns to face me with a smirk "Plan? I think you think too much of me, I bearly plan five minutes ahead, this man you're exploring, how long? How close? What if we knocked him off and stole his house? He doesn't happen to be loaded does he? I don't know how this shit works either but burying a body together might be a good way to bond and also figure what we know and maybe don't know about what we are, and if it ends terribly we can jump ship and go somewhere else, this might be sudden but we don't really have time for formalities, besides we're monsters right?"

"There's still something in me that hates this, something that can't stand putting my faith in something other than myself but I also don't feel like I have a choice" well at least I'm being honest.

"Yeah no, I can definitely wait for you to sort your feelings out, I'll just go wait to be found out and taken in by the FBI for testing, I'm just as on the spot as you are but maybe together we can make this work yeah?" I can't tell if she's sarcastic or impatient.

"No, my feelings are definitely more important" I sarcastically spit back at her "what so we go right now? Go kill him, take his shit and hope for the best? I still haven't been able to transition into him completely, his job is literally just talking on the phone as far as I can tell, maybe I can hold his job, I know where he sits"

"Hoh oh, you know where he sits, you've got em now, right, listen to me yeah?" As she begins to get serious the form sort of slips and her face droops a little, giving her face this uncanny feeling "Humans don't know what the fuck they're doing at any given time, at any given day but we aren't humans, we don't get to feel and hope and fucken just stroll our way through life yeah?" She hops down from the ledge and begins to pace "What we get is a small amount of time to pretend we are something, from the time the sun goes down and you stroll out of that house you don't own, wear those clothes that you stole, and go into clubs or arcades or whatever else and pretend to be a middle aged man, how long have you got to pretend? How long have you been lucky? Because we aren't lucky, soon something's going to fall through and you're going to have to change, you're going to have to hide and run and find another way to pretend until our time runs out again, because we get to pretend we exist, but we're invisible and we always will be, but between me and you, maybe we can exist, maybe we can see each other and not be invisible, and our time only runs out when we're not around each other, fuck your middle aged man and fuck your desk job, we don't have time to pretend like we have other choices, let's do something real"

Something real she says, this "woman" standing on the top of this bearly lit building, spilling her heart as she paces like her life depends on it, and this disguise she's wearing is slipping, gives it a bit more edge, she knows how to push my buttons anyway, met her a few hours ago.

I wish I had more time to process all of this but I feel like she's right anyway, we don't have time or options, what is happening? I was so sure of everything, I was comfortable, I had, something, funny how your feelings decide your reality, maybe she's just saved me from disappointment, what even is a stapler? I'll probably get fired too, what about you? What'd you think? You've probably heard all of this and don't think very highly of me, a woman and her child? Ouch, if you don't judge me I won't judge you, you've probably eaten animals before, just because I hunted humans doesn't make it different than humans hunting animals for sport, honestly I'm just distracting myself from making a decision right now, there's been alot of silence since someone last spoke so I should probably say something.

Part 3

**I awaken to the sunrise like I usually do, I wonder if I'll ever do something that feels as real, not every sunrise but this very one right here, maybe it's just because I'm talking about it that it becomes more real or defined, I don't know, I just hope I'm not an unnoticed 6am sunrise forever.

Scrap myself out of my sorry excuse for a bed and wait for him to get ready to go, I hear him... singing in the shower and thumping around, so happy, so alive, so... Real.

I'm lucky he lives alone, although he's been coming home late so that might not be forever, I've come up with a plan though, if I can out charisma him maybe people won't notice, people only care when shit affects them, if I'm depressed or slow and don't work as fast or whatever, they would notice, if he is seeing a girl I'm sure she'd get over it if he stopped.

After the front door locks, I slink down from the attic, the fact he has a picture of himself in front of the mirror in the bathroom is a little big headed but it works for me, the skin falling off my face is a little noticeable since last I adjusted, so like releasing the tension with a good stretch in the morning, I extend my skull outwards with a satisfying crack to collect the flesh that isn't truly mine, watching from the mirror as it shifts and pulls it's way into resemblance, and as a finishing touch, I hold a smile, a wide toothy grin as I feel the roots of my teeth rip through my gums and my teeth spin and rearrange to fit properly, ahhh, like scratching an itch you didn't know you had.

Still unraveling wrinkles in my legs I'm interrupted by the stupid tv he always leaves on, honestly what is even the point of a television, I can understand movies or videogames, exploring perspectives and situations that don't or can't happen regularly, roleplay for situational intelligence, but even shit like "the news" how are you supposed to do anything about children dying in war in another country, this shits only played to people who lack the power to change anything, in a sense, all of these sorts of things just make you feel shitty but I think it's all self importance, you're not as big as you think you are and neither am I.

I don't need to eat but I have to practice making it a routine, 3 times a day or at least complain about it if I'm out of schedule, create some muscle memory or something.

Water is fine, liquid helps hold shape, keeps me limber, ease the joints and such, not too much though or I get too greasy, people don't seem to pay attention to liquid intake anyway so it doesn't matter.

After roleplaying for situational intelligence, I dress myself in some of the clothes I've stolen over the years and double checking anything I've touched has been put back exactly the way it was, I sneak out the back door and lock it with the key kept under his lame doormat "A house doesn't make a home but it's a start" whatever you say, living alone in ur 30s isn't much of a home I'd say but maybe I'm just sick of my home being a compartment behind loose wall boards in an old attic.

I love hiding in plain sight, I love to feel invisible which is like the opposite of what I actually want but the practice of going outside and not being seen is a hard skill and also a fun activity, if I could skin jump like those shitty movies it wouldn't be such an issue, but I think this is also my routine hobby and shit would be boring otherwise, besides, after awhile you pick up a few things, body language, chasing the shadows, I would argue there's even a perfect speed to walk to be less seen, too fast and it's abnormal, lots of energy attracts people, "he's got somewhere to be" too slow and obviously you spend more time in moments where you can be seen and such.

Can't make a habit of being seen, if enough or the wrong person sees me, there's now two of the same person, when that turns back into one, if people get suspicious of changed behavior or whatever, the rare caring person might invest time into checking on me, drugs, sudden severe depression, as much as you don't think people notice, some people do.

I never thought about it like identity fraud or something, I think of it more like identity replacement, I don't want to pretend to be someone for a specific reason, I need to hijack this persons life for every reason, he got to enjoy life for this long, I think it's fair I get a turn too.

Jeez, I think too much, already halfway to his job, it's easy though, lots of back alleys and this park is always an easy skulk, there's people here but trees and foliage make it harder to be seen than a sidewalk, that's the worst.

I do love flowers, the idea of something naturally growing proudly and having such allure and fragrance is something I obviously can't capture, maybe that's just how sentient beings work, love what we wish we were until we get it and then love something else, I think I would've been a cool human, or maybe I will be.

Getting closer now, I always get nervous being close to him in public, but nobody really holds conversation alone at home, is a risk really a risk if it's a necessity? As long as I can see him physically I can tune to his talking frequencies, his pitch and tones, I can zero in on him regardless of distance like a audio telescope but also if u can see the sound waves, like I can, if you practice enough, you can copy them like handwriting, instead of in the wrist, it's like being a good singer.

Climbing on top of the nextdoor apartment complex is easy, fire escapes, when everyone's at work and the type of person who doesn't have a job and stays home usually isn't the type to check, I do say usually because I've had to talk to strangers a few times and as long as I don't do anything too memorable, it's just good practice.

I lay down next to one of the fan outlets with my head peaking out enough to see into the windows of the call center building he works in, the position I lay is not exactly optimal but as I focus on his voice my shape will distort from this human facade slightly.

I'm closest to the far edge from where the internal stairwell lands, but also far enough from the fire escape that if someone came up there, I would hear them before they got to the roof and would have time to move or hide, I can't take any chances.

Time to tune in... fucking hell, what am I a superhero? Time to tune in? I guess that's the skin jumping getting into my head, he'd say some stupid shit like that, maybe if I wasn't such an asshole the skin jump would've taken by now.

I can see him sitting at his window stall, yapping away, something about some lady's laptop, I don't care but I open my mouth and focus on the way his mouth announciates, I can begin to hear him in my head, put my fingers to my temples like aerials, find the right frequency to amplify his voice, and let the sound flow out of my mouth, at first it sounds more like an off tune low hum that rises into pitched static, the sound waves coming out of my mouth feel like letting popping candy pop on ur tongue and throwing up stomach acid at the same time, I find the right tuning and it settles, feel his voice, his inflections and grit, his tones and resonance, and it begins to align like hitting the right notes on your favorite song, except you're speaking in an average mid 30's call center mans voice, beautiful, to a nobody home invader or whatever you wanna call me, the hope or promise to be a sunset which is actually seen, kinda feels like seeing an old friend again, a sort of comfort you didn't you know you had lost, kinda feel guilty for leaving them behind but hey, sometimes you have to choose to live even if that means the path you walk to better places is paved with a gravestone.

While I do the walk of shame back to my other selves house I stop at that park, I like to reflect on my miserable existence as well, I've heard about people and television and shit, talk about God or a higher power, some sort of creator, well to you I ask why? Why do u believe in God? Not the, he does so much bad argument, I could definitely sit on this bench and curse existance while I'm trying to hide as the sun sets after stalking someone all day because I wanna replace them, because if I don't I won't ever get a chance to exist in this self righteous world, no, no there's no point to that, why in all the universe do humans think god is actually anything like them, what if god is just an instinctual machine that pushes out creation and opportunity and one day, God impulsively thought about a being that is self conscious but not omnipotent or anything and so it was.

Humans say God is a kid on an anthill with a magnifying glass, what if god is just a magnifying glass and life or the universe or energy or whatever is the kid, burning other life and fucking around to see what happens, like me, I'm a magnifying glass and I have to burn an ant to become the an ant, I don't have much of a choice and so the cycle repeats.

I like to think about it sometimes because that's all I have, the same way a man fearing for his life calls out to god to save him, I hold hope that maybe I have to burn ants because I'm supposed to, because I was built to, not because I was born into the wrong environment and I'm struggling to survive, maybe evil isn't somebody doing morally wrong but evil is somebody doing something against their own nature, if you believe in God and God made everything to live in synchronicity together, food chain or whatever, wouldn't you believe that something like me exists for a healthy good purpose, that if there wasn't tragedy and shit that good would mean nothing because there's no opposite, maybe you should rethink what you classify as a villain and what is someone or something just trying to exist in their own nature.

Oh shit, the sun's pretty much gone down, he's probably already home, I got too caught up, shit, shit, shit, I can't run and risk gaining attention, oh fuck me and all my shit.

Creeping through the old alleys, I pass a few homeless, it's good it's getting dark so they hopefully can't make out my face properly, but as I turn a corner stands 4 people gathered around the entrance to the next alley I wanna skulk through, I probably could walk an extra footpath or two, go a long way, maybe he'll go to bed before I get back so I can sneak in through the backdoor easier, was gonna do a whole distraction thing, I don't know, I'm too paranoid for this, better to be paranoid than slip up, and yet I slipped up, great job.

Even better I'm standing here doing inner monologue, staring at a group of strangers instead of commiting to a decision, I have to go the long way, if they start trouble and I take care of the situation, the police will investigate and shut down my alleyway, plus killing is easy, disposing of bodies isn't.

But before I begin to start walking down the street away from the alley "what're you looking at?" Hits me like a bag of bricks, I probably shouldn't be so scared but paranoia flashes cops and attention and people in nearby houses through my head, I just put my head down and walk but part of me wants one of them to follow, or all of them, it's been a long time, I don't like eating much but human tastes pretty good, something about it has some sort of magic to it, bloodlust or something.

"You don't get to just walk away" "you look like you got some money to share" I just keep walking, pick up the pace, be careful what you wish for, to me and to them, I can hear them, yelling threatening shit, I look behind me and see one clearly in the light of a street lamp, alright then, you wanna play? Let's play.

I pick up to a light jog, trying to stick to the dark, hoping they can't see me and at every chance I throw a glance over my shoulder and focus on this one guys face, my nose cracks as it enlarges and my eyes pull my eye sockets further apart, molding like hard clay, my forehead snaps, growing bone in an instant to fill in gaps as it stretches and my jaw dislocates and finds connection again, I must sound like bubble wrap and dry leaves crunching and popping together, think it'll help that this guy is probably the same height as other me at least.

They're getting close enough to almost reach me now but I've got an idea, I think I've copied this guy enough to hold his shape for a few minutes, he's also holding a gun and because I can copy his shape and form, I can copy that too, even if it won't shoot to kill, I can still use it as an extension of this guy's body.

In other mes voice I ask proudly "you guys wanna hear a poem?" Having just stepped into the light of a street lamp I turn around to face them and they stop in their tracks, probably a meter away, the one I copied looks frozen to the touch and his friends kinda double take between him and I, I put the gun I copied to my own head, knowing it probably has copied fake bullets too.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, if I put a hole in my head, can you feel it too?" Watching all of their faces drop and twist into horror, BANG! The hammer slams against the back of the bullet and "gunpowder" explodes, the bullet disentigrates as soon as it's fired, no longer holding connection to my illusion, best of all, all four of them simultaneously turn and run almost tripping as they go, like an old cartoon, their legs running on the spot as they catch up to themselves, I can hear the guy I copied hysterically crying as he runs away, ah well, they probably won't harass anyone anymore and no bodies means no cops, but this is gonna suck later.

I can feel my skin buzzing and my face aches, skin jumping like that... this IS gonna suck.

Looking at the front of other me's house, I just wanna get into my little hole in the wall before my body starts freaking out, my hands are shaky already though, at least all the lights are off in the house, dumbass doesn't have anything more than a perimeter fence, first thing I'll change.

Looking up at the back door from picking up the key, my heart sings to me like a rave does to someone on a lot of mdma, my eyes shutter and blur in rhythm, I try to slip through the door way but it's more like a hobble, at least I can see in the dark, I just need to get to the attic, I'm confident he won't wake up, he sleeps like concrete, but I'm not confident making it up the skinny attic stairs is gonna be easy.

I drag my feet through the house, my knees snap inwardly and back out again every other step, I feel like a mannequin made of thin plastic, my skin literally crawling as it struggles to find a form to hold, my facial features melting, the muscles and bones too weak to find structure so I've become a small child's crude drawing.

The only reason this sucks so much is because I don't skin jump regularly, I'm trying to skin jump in a more permanent fashion so remolding after so long is like breaking a muscle memory built into your very atoms, easy to go against consciously but expecting your body to make sense of it afterwards is a high hope.

Pulling myself up the staircase, my hands don't even hold shape anymore, no thumbs or fingers, just long marshmallows I smush against the ground and they don't grip, but they stick enough that I can physically help pull myself further, I'm trying to focus on keeping the bones in my feet strong enough to wobble the rest of the way but feeling my toes glue together isn't a good sign.

Sliding myself along the ground of the attic, I hope I'm not making too much noise, I can't tell because my ears have filled in, all that remains of my face is one eye that sits just under my cheekbone and a couple of teeth sticking out of the top of my chin, the rest has failed to find strength to find form, I'm so close now I can see my hidey hole, I can see my home.

I find the center of the room and collapse, so close yet in all of today's events I didn't spend the amount of energy it would take to make it to the other side of the room right now, I'm done.

If there is a god, let other me stay out of the attic for a couple days while I regain my strength, I'm nothing but a pile of skin on the floor but I'm still conscious if only for a moment...

I wonder if humans feel like this, this mix of despair and suffering, deeply frustrated that I'm bearly scrapping by but use every ounce of me just to do that, I feel like I'm swirling around in a fucking vortex waiting to get spit out, I swear being human can't be as hard as this.

Love... what a drug, my daydreams always come back to this, I feel like love could hold form no matter how tired it is, I swear it's taken for granted, there is actually nothing else on the planet that can impower in such a way but also be healthy, that can be destructive yet build for better, to pull down an entire empire or build one up, could give direction to the hopeless, man do I feel hopeless, there's no love in being a puddle on the floor, I can't wait to be human, if only to chase love.

I awaken in the same place I dissolved in, the sun rays blasting me, even through the circular stained glass window and the gaos in the boards.

My head is actually a sub woofer against my brain, I have eyes that are open, means my body is taking to the muscle memory of other me, still not quite right but it's working, my legs are jelly as I can feel the bones trying to from properly, that's a weird thing to explain, kind of like the static feeling of pins and needles while expanding foam manifests and solidifies if that makes sense, once I've formed foam bones, after some time they find density, I don't know how comparable they are to real bones, I haven't exactly tested it but they work.

Well I'm gonna lay here for a few hours and regain conscious strength while my body makes dense foam.

I guess I never introduced what this is at all, suppose I should put care into it, at first I was just writing, it wasn't supposed to make sense, there's a lot of writing before what you're probably reading.

I don't know if I have a name, I don't remember much, nobody raised me, I don't remember if I was ever a child or something like that anyway, I don't even know how I hold memories or anything, what I know is that I've been remembering things for about 25 years, I know that probably sounds like a long time but when you're learning your controls and biology from scratch, 25 years is enough time to know you've learnt to walk and you understand what walking is but you don't know why you need to and running still feels like a long shot.

There's probably some other things I could mention, like whatever I skin jump into, my natural form seems to retain the creatures natural abilities but only if I still have the capacity to use them, like I can't fly without wings, or speak without vocal chords, that's why I can see in the dark, I don't like skin jumping into animals though, shrinking size like that feels like being sucked through a wormhole, but holding smaller forms is much easier than a full size human.

Most of the way I've learnt what I am is through instinct, like a magnet pulling me towards doing things that don't make any sense but feel right, trial and error is a funny thing when your life depends on it, I also don't have any proof I'm not immortal either, but my body tells me to live with urgency which makes me believe I'm not.

I'm documenting this, me or whatever because maybe there's others like me out there, even worse there isn't, regardless I want to make sure it's known that I exist, although my purpose maybe to hide in this world or stay disguised, I feel I deserve the opportunity to be seen and heard as well and maybe there are other beings like me, maybe they're alone too, I hope this reaches them, maybe they can learn a little easier than I had to, maybe they don't need to feel like the only one of its kind, maybe we're built to be invisible but feeling it is a different kind of invisibility.**

Part 2