Going to be trying nasal spray ketamine. Just did my first hit today. Its not the same as snorting a line of ketamine. Supposed to be much much more subtle as its diluted in water.
Ill report back the results. Not sure the dosage amount of it. My sister who has experimented with ketamine mixed it up for me to try it. If I notice a difference, ill find out dosage and report back.
Idk if anyone else gets this. But it seems that when im deep in thought about pssd and its effects on me.
I have an uncontrollable tech twitch where I crank my neck on way for a half second. Its not everytime but here and there maybe 2 times a day at the moment. Where ill being thinking about it and then its like a tick that my body does. Feels weird and sends shivers in my back.
last time I saw my mother was christmas. she lives about 10 mins from where I am now. shr brought me to the doctor as a teenager, they suggested pills. that should have been a sign. I have always been an athletic, smart, funny guy and had alot going for me, I just had scoail anxiety. did some bloodwork and whatever bullshit tests they do. everything came up great. there was nothing wrong with me it was quite obvious I just had anxiety. a year goes by I turn 18 and im going to the same doctor and psychiatrist and they prescribe me escitalopram. my parents knew. idk if they even bothered to do any research at all.being a kid, I was taught I could trust doctors and that there's some temporary side effects, that go away and nothing to worry about. and they did go away after 2 or 3 weeks on meds and I was fine. and over the next few years I would be on and off the meds a few times until the one time I came off and now I have pssd.
anyways long story short. I no longer talk to my mother and only tolerate my father for the time being so I have a place to stay as its been hard holding down a career job and advancing and doing all the things a new person would do. meet someone move out with a girlfriend etc. life has been destroyed and nothing like what it used to be. have nothing but anger for both my parents. im a child of divorce and a stressful childhood, yelling screaming, drunk mother, psychologist father lol. believe that! what are the odds! lol
I had everything to make a great life for myself and was actually doing so, I was so happy to be a hard worker and just enjoying life. but now. bot so much.
Basically wondering if others feel the same as I do.
even after telling them about it . I get told. "there's more to life than sex" or "there's more important things than your sexual prowess"
really? we are animals on this earth born to reproduce. its in our nature. what else is there?
pssd in general is a low.... you could say lol.
buy lately I just have no interest in pretending to be the guy I was anymore. friends and family. I dont care anymore. I juat go to work. behave like a robot. go home and watch tv or movies to escape this reality now. seems to be the only way I can forget what my life is momentarily.