Should I consider TRT at 21
Hey guys. My parents and I have been back and forth deciding whether I should start TRT or not. I was always the skinny fat kid, up until the age of 16 where my puberty peaked, in which I lost alot of weight, had a good libido and intimate life with my girlfriend, and overall felt amazing. Years after that, around the age of 19, my testosterone dropped again, Gynocomastia further developed, picked up weight, Libido became non-existent, and just became a fat chubby young man - got cheated on by my girlfriend at that time. My speculation is that I was always was primary hypogonadal but puberty was a temporary increase in my test. I did lab tests last year July, in which it determined my total test levels were about 310, with free test on the lower end. Assumed that it was maybe due to my mental state and Anavar use that July. Continued with my life, depressed, no libido, absolutely no gains in the gym (6 times a week), and just feeling horrible overall. I would like to mention I was optimizing sleep, nutrition, exercise and my mental state by being social, in which I did enjoy myself but always compared my happiness then to when I was back in highschool, jacked and more lively. Then in December, I again tested my blood work, after optimising absolutely everything, in which my total test was 271 and free test was average. I would like to mention that I had normal LH and FSH in both labs. This ruined me as it further supported my speculation of being primarily hypogonadal. Long story short, was prescribed enclo, didnt do nada besides making my balls bigger. Long story short I lost a bunch of fat, got scouted by a modeling agency, and for the past 3 months my life has turned around and I feel great for the first time in 2 years, but..... to be a model level of skinny, I would and still do, eat around 1200 calories per day, sometimes 800, sometimes 1400. Malnourishing my body has been the only thing that has made me happy. I no longer feel/felt like the chubby young adult I was. Ofcourse ive realized how detrimental this is for my health, and understand I must eat 2k calories.
So my question is, do I go back to the chubbier, no sex-drive (low energy), unhappy person that I was (would also like to mention that fat gain was consistent at that point), do I continue to starve myself to feel happy in some sense (which I wont continue to do), or do I just approach the main issue: optimise my test to the normal level of individuals my age, literally 750 total, nothing crazy? Wouldnt this allow me to eat normal, have a functional sex-life with a significant other (which I can't right now) & improve my confidence (both mentally and physically)? I am obviously concerned/ aware about the long-term effects of being on TRT, infertility (my parents offered to freeze my sperm at a bank for later use), hairloss, increase resting heart rate etc, but I feel like its worth it, considering I have been absolutely depressed for the past two years (derived from my low-test like symptoms). I really hope I can get some guidance, I dont want to go back to my old-self, but neither do I want to starve myself to feel happy about something. Would love to hear some advice from some more experienced people.
In case this helps with anything: height (193.5cm (6foot3)), 78kg, 21 years old.