u/Imaginary_Poet8015

I cannot empathise with healthy people’s problems.
I know they have struggles as well, and sometimes serious ones; like divorce, the death of family or friends, and financial problems.

Yet I can’t help but feel that at least they are able to live their lives and experience ups and downs, while very severe ME feels like being buried alive.
I absolutely don’t like myself being this way. Yet that’s how I feel tbh

please tell me I’m not alone with my recurring suicidal thoughts.?!

This illness drives me nuts

Hey guys,

Sometimes I feel like the people around me have become so used to me being desperate, depressed, and suicidal that it doesn’t really affect anyone anymore.

It’s more like:
“Yeah, I know it’s a heavy existence,”
or
“Hmmm, that sounds really hard :-(”
or
“Yes, it’s a difficult illness.”

I know people mean well. But I honestly feel so desperate at times that I’m sure there will come a day when I might end my own life. Maybe pretty soon.

I’m quite severely affected by ME, and I live alone.

I just hope you guys understand

I had tried a dating app but some guys got mad at me for not responding quickly enough.
I told them I’m ill with severe ME cfs.
Yet if it takes more than 3 days for me to respond they assume Im not interested at all and they are very disappointed in me. sigh:-(
I keep explaining but it only makes me tired. better off alone :-( (not really though)

I just want to leave this world.
Severe ME is cruel, but what hurts even more is feeling like my healthy friends just aren’t interested in me anymore. It all feels very one sided.

One friend sends me a summary of all the fun things happening in his life and doesn’t ask me anything about mine
as if hearing about his happiness is supposed to make me feel better.

And then there’s the ignorance from society. Nobody seems to care that it’s ME Awareness Month or what people with ME are going through. I genuinely feel like I don’t matter.
And yes I do have 2 chronically ill friends.
But I miss my old life and friends as well as we share so many memories

Have you also lost your sense of humor?

I used to joke around with my friends all the time;

literally all day, just having fun and laughing. Now I can’t make spontaneous jokes anymore, and I don’t even laugh at those things. I just feel dull, exhausted, like a different person.

I miss myself so much. I know I wasn’t perfect lol, but I really miss how I used to feel.

Sometimes it still really gets to me that people—including doctors, keep seeing this illness as psychosomatic.

I’ve been physically harmed by the wrong treatments, and now I’m severely ill. And still, there’s this idea that we’re just lying in bed because it’s psychological.

I hate that. I hate that it’s still not fully recognized as a serious biomedical illness.

I would give anything to be able to live. I don’t want to be in this bed.

I’m here because I have to be and I hate it so much.

I know I shouldn’t care so much what others think after all these years. But I still long to be seen for what I really am: someone who wants to live the best life, but simply can’t. 😔