Cheating husband with zero empathy
When I was four months out from giving birth I flew across the country with my three children to see my family. My husband was meant to come however he said he wanted to save leave for when our baby was born. He turned his phone off and it turns out he was with another woman.
He admitted this over text message after 13 years. I tried calling and calling as I felt he owed me at least a phone call. No answer. No remorse. No nothing. He texted me saying he wouldn’t not talk to me over the phone only through text. He also said via text that he wouldn’t discuss anything and if I continue to ask him or “bring it up” he won’t reply. At this stage it was clear that we were separated even though he never officially said it.. coward.. I know.
So that was just kind of it. When I tried to tell him he owed me some sort of explanation he just gaslit and blame shifted.
For some context I should probably add a few more details.
~ For 13 years he worked away 2-3 weeks away at a time. 1-2 weeks home.
~ He just got offered a job that allowed him to come home every night however it was on the other side of the country.
~ He took the job, we moved and we were there for four months before everything came to light
~ We had no friends, no family and no car over in our new home and it was very isolating as he would leave before we woke up and would be home at dark. I also homeschool our children.
I decided to cancel mine and the children’s flights home. All of this broke out two days before my eldest 12th birthday. He never called her, never called our son on his birthday a couple of weeks after. That was just kind of it.
After some searching I found a previous affair partner of three years, secret bank accounts, insane spendings, loans that I never knew about and more. He over withdrew the accounts and left us with -$400. My mother had to buy the children and I groceries. I gained access to his credit card transactions and saw that money was put on his credit card and spent at the strip club. The bank informed me that I was under financial abuse which is now by law in our state classed as domestic and family violence. I should add that he makes triple of the average wage so he is a very high income earner.
We will be going through the divorce process and I am seeking advice. We don’t own a house (that I know of). It turns out everything else was in his name. The car (which we did have one just didn’t have it moved cross country), even my phone it turns out was in his name. I don’t know if there is money hidden which apparently can happen. I don’t have much money for a lawyer. I have our four children full time and receive child support as that is taken out of his pay before he even gets it (due to the situation falling under DV). I will be applying for spousal maintenance.
Life has been busy schooling my three with a new baby and a marriage break up. I feel extremely tired doing everything on my own and my mum brain feels scattered so any advice is much appreciated.