Jin Ling's Uncles by Degree of Uncle
Did anyone ask for this? Does anyone need this? No? Well too bad so sad. Here's a list of Jin Ling's uncles arranged by their degree of Uncle-ness. I should probably elaborate, but if you get it you get it if you don't you don't. Someone has probably already done this, but that's okay. This list is for me and anyone else who lives in a brain like mine. #1 is Peak Uncle and each uncle gets less uncle as the list goes down.
Disclaimer!!!! CQL is my basis for the MDZS lore here, please don't be mad, I'm aware each adaptation is different from the original books, but I'm talking about CQL versions of these characters. Also I've spent too much time reading fanfic and I fear my perception of canon may be skewed. Whew okay disclaimer over! Anyways here you go:
#1: Jiang Cheng
There will be no JC hate in this household! I love this man, I will not be taking criticism. For obvious reasons our favorite angry purple man wins my made up award of Peak Jin Ling Uncle. I honestly don't even have to elaborate here. (had to change the GIF bc it wasn't working, sorry guys!)
#2: Jin Guangyao
Yes I know he was secretly a villain and horribly betrayed a lot of people, including Jin Ling and other Jin Ling Uncles, but even if JGY never cared, he had to at least keep up a convincing front of a loving, dedicated uncle for Jin Ling's entire life up until the reveal, okay? Jin Ling was the heir of the Lanling Jin sect, and spent a lot of time with JQY learning Jin sect customs and being influenced by him. I know he's committed horrible crimes and would have killed JL if he had to but that has negligible impact on his uncle-ness. He was very Uncle, just a bad uncle. Also look at that face. Come on. JGY you are awarded second place.
#3: Nie Huaisang
We all know Nie Huaisang was getting all those kids, especially Jin Ling, into various sorts of mischief whenever he took an afternoon off of being a mastermind. You're telling me you don't believe Jin Ling was gifted any raunchy yellow books by NHS?? We all know it's not JC or JGY doing it. NHS you get #3! Love you pookie
#4: Wei Wuxian
They've got their history, yes, but Jin Ling comes around and WWX is honestly almost too quick to forgive JL stabbing him. WWX would 100% have fun teasing him, JL would tease back. WWX is the other fun uncle who is a little extra embarrassing, especially since WWX and Lan Zhan are probably the most gushy gross couple he knows. WWX is determined to embarrass JL like a parent dropping their middle schooler off at a "cool kids" party while blasting Barbie Girl or something on the radio. I firmly believe JC would let JL hang out with WWX on the basis that that's what Yanli would have wanted. It's giving my parents are divorced and they each let the other have visits, but definitely don't talk about the other parent when you're with them. WWX you get #4! Great job considering you were dead for most of your nephew's life.
#5: Lan Xichen
I struggled with LXC's placement. I didn't want to separate LWJ and WWX like that - it doesn't make sense. However!!!! This is my list and I can do what I want. Xichen's a great uncle, someone calm to go to who will be firm but gentle in his guidance. He'd let the kids, including Jin Ling, have some fun. He's just a chill uncle. So by vibes and relation to LWJ and therefore WWX (as well as the fact that I love LXC too much to put him any lower), LXC has to go no lower than #5! (Okay, a little off topic, but why aren't we talking about how attractive this man is??)
#6: Lan Wangji
WWX and LWJ are a package deal, so of course LWJ is #6 simply by association with WWX. I wanted to put him at #5 but Xichen is more Uncle to me. Uncle #6!
#7: Nie Mingjue
NMJ's qi deviation happened soon after Jin Ling was born, but I'm sure NHS kept his memory alive by telling Jin Ling stories every now and then. I think he probably would have been a good uncle. Minus 10 points from Gryffindor for the whole fierce corpse thing at the temple. Not a good first impression for JL, I have to say.
#8: Mo Xuanyu
Did JL even know Mo Xuanyu existed before he sacrificed his body to WWX? Hard to be an uncle when you don't even know each other. MXY was at most a vague concept of an uncle for Jin Ling.
Edit: I find it my duty to tell you that I have been informed that JL recognizes MXY on Mount Dafan, so he does know MXY exists. However I will not be changing his ranking bc NMJ is still more uncle despite his deadness, and I refuse to put Jin Zixun anywhere but the bottom lol
#9: Jin Zixun
Honestly a forgettable uncle, and a huge jerk. I couldn't even find a decent GIF of him to use - that's about how much of an emotional impact he had. It's a good thing he died before Jin Ling met him.
Honorary Uncle: Wen Ning
Ok, ok, is he technically related to JL by blood or sworn brotherhood or marriage or anything? No, but how is he not Uncle? Cute Uncle? Even pookier than NHS, the Honorary Uncle Award is given to Wen Ning. (Also I ship Lan Sizhui and JL , so since Wen Ning is basically equivalent to Sizhui's uncle, he's JL's headcanon uncle-in-law at some point??)