[Vent] Partner is a postdoc in a toxic and unstable lab
TLDR; Partner in disaster of a lab for his postdoc, toxic coworkers, PI trying to manage a wet lab fully remote and running out of funds. Just want to vent and try to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar and give hope that things get better.
My partner is a postdoc and it's taken a toll on his mental health. This lab started off okay, with the PI being hands-off and the other coworkers being clique-y but civil towards him. Some lab members started fighting amongst each other, arguing over things like sharing equipment or talking too loud on the phone. The PI ignored the conflict and it began escalating as members started taking sides and engaged in shouting matches. My partner thankfully kept his head low and stayed out of it.
Then the PI moved to another city eight hours away and decided they would manage the lab fully remote. With no PI physically present, project guidance became sporadic. The PI was insensitive over lab member's frustrations, and would conduct lab meetings while at their kid's soccer matches.
Some lab members began leaving passive aggressive comments towards my partner and stonewalled him when he tried to ask what the problem was. When my partner was reaching the last few experiments needed for him to submit his paper, the PI told him that a few coworkers had filed a formal complaint about him. The PI refused to provide any details of the complaint and told him he was not allowed back into lab until this was resolved. For several months, my partner was left in the dark over the complaint filed, causing his anxiety to spiral. Finally, he was allowed to come back.
Apparently some coworkers were mad at him over a few things. One was upset at him reserving long blocks of time for the confocal microscope over the weekend as he was trying to finish experiments asap. Another was that his footsteps were too loud since he heel strikes when walking in a hurry. Another was that he once walked down with a coworker to the parking lot since he was leaving at the same time and the coworker felt like he had followed them. They filed an Title IX complaint citing these reasons. HR had dragged their feet investigating the complaint and finally dismissed it, clearing him to return to work. The coworkers texted him a half-assed apology, saying they "didn't expect things to get that bad."
My partner returned to the lab after having lost months of work and missing the window to apply for key grants in his academic career. The PI then announced that this lab was running critically low on funds and in danger of shutting down as the PI hadn't been applying for grants after being busy with their move to another city. They also told my partner that he should give up on his dreams of becoming a PI because they were disappointed with his productivity recently in this lab.
It has been a difficult time for my partner. Thankfully he has a support network of loved ones and has been able to see a therapist to process what he went through. But I am feeling frustrated over how things turned out and how it feels like my partner's dreams of a career in academia were wrecked because he picked the wrong lab for his postdoc.
At this point, he doesn't know if he wants to keep going or just say fuck it and leave to industry. Has anyone else been in a similar position? Did you stick by academia to prove others wrong? Or were you able to still find happiness in an alternative science career despite these setbacks? Thanks so much for listening. 🫂