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u/InExperimentChambers

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"Kimochi Warui" being about the hospital scene doesn't quite make sense (or at least it being Asuka's first time finding out)

So everyone is familiar with the final line of EOE, that being "Kimochi Warui" which is translated as "How disgusting". Admist the speculation about this line, a common explanation is that it's a response to the hospital scene. But today I wanna talk about why that doesn't quite make sense when you take into account the train sequence.

To clarify, this post is only really a "debunking" of the idea that Asuka's final line is her first live reaction to the hospital scene as there are some interpretations that have "Kimochi Warui" referring to it while also keeping the train sequence in mind.

So during the train sequence of Instrumentality in EOE, Asuka addresses the hospital scene by saying: "Idiot, I know all about it. I know you've been jerking off to me. Go on, do it like you always do. I'll watch. But if I can't have all of you, I don't want any of you". She is undoubtely talking about that scene here, as we see flashes of it during this moment.

Based on this, Asuka seems like she is less focused on the act itself and is more mad at the fact that Shinji wasn't showing her his true desires and the only time he did was when she was unable to respond.

Now, do not get it twisted. I'm not saying that Asuka is a freak who likes it or that what Shinji did is ok. Regardless of what Asuka's reaction is, what Shinji did is still a crime and very immoral. What I'm trying to say is that Asuka is fucked up herself and she doesn't react how a normal person would, so she takes the hospital scene as a confirmation that Shinji is interested in her and uses it as an opportunity to demand total possession of him. (This wouldn't even be the first time Asuka takes Shinji's inappropriate behavior as a hint that he likes her. By the end of episode 9, Asuka finds out Shinji tried to kiss her while she was asleep before he stopped himself. While she does appear appalled, in the next episode she decides to pursue him further by wearing a swimsuit and talking about "thermal expansion". Reminder that she also has the whole school crushing on her and yet she still goes for him.)

And to be clear, I do think a part of Asuka feels disgust, but it seems like she's willing to look past that as long as she gets to have Shinji all to herself.

Now, you might be wondering: "Well if Asuka is giving her reaction here, why do some think she's referring to the hospital at the end?". Well, it's because of an interview with Yuko Miyamura, Asuka's Japanese VA. In it, she talks about how they came up with the final line of the movie. Anno asked her how she would feel if someone jerked off to her while she was sleeping and she responded with "Disgusting". Anno then sighed and said "Thought as much".

So because of this interview, many think it has to be related to the hospital scene. And y'know what? I get it. Even though Evangelion is up for interpretation, most want their take to be in line with Anno's authorial intent. I do that myself. But honestly, I don't think this interview actually shows that.

For starters, Yuko never explicitly says that this is why Asuka says that line, rather providing the context on how they came up with it. Another thing is that Anno was saddened hearing Yuko's response to that hypothetical scenario as he sighed and said "I thought as much". Admittedly, this is pretty weird of him, like I don't know what else he was expecting... but given the fact that this disappointed him, is it really that much of a stretch to say that he would take this line and change its meaning from the original context in the final cut? And I think I did find out what he changed it into and in my personal opinion, it's a better argument for what he originally intended but I'll delve into that at the end.

Here's the thing tho: you don't have to follow the authorial intent. Anno purposefully left that scene vague for you to come up with your own answers after you were done watching it. I doubt he necessarily wanted you to look for clues about his interpretation so you can create your own. I do that because I'm a nerd. And it's not like we can know for sure what his personal interpretation is as he will never tell us. I might claim to have found it, but I can't say for certain that it is because I don't know this man Hideaki and can't look into his head (yet).

Even if you did somehow figure out what Anno was thinking when he set all of this up, that doesn't mean it should be the only way to view the show because again, he wanted everyone to make up their own version of the story so their interpretation is just as valid as anyone else's. Sadly, this has been kinda lost to time as Eva fans think that their personal interpretation is the only correct one and want to be right about everything from the cool robot anime. (Obviously, there are some things that people say about Evangelion that are objectively wrong, but "One More Final: I Need You" isn't one of those cases.)

Hell, if you still want to believe that Asuka is referring to the hospital scene at the end based on the Yuko Miyamura interview, that's ok! As you can simply say that Asuka just decided to address it again. I even had a discussion in this very sub with someone who has this take and gave their own personal reasons on why they think this and they were very kind and respectful. I personally disagree with it because I find it strange that Asuka is basically giving the same reaction twice. Like I don't see the point in addressing something she already did, y'know? Not to mention that voice actors can be wrong about their own characters and they don't have the same knowledge on the story as a writer would. (Yuko Miyamura especially has gone back and forth on whether or not Asuka likes Shinji.)

The main reason I made this post was not to shit on people who agree with that interpretation, it was because sometimes the "How disgusting is about hospital scene" is treated like the objective truth and even weaponized against AsuShin shippers. (And also because some genuinely think she didn't address it before.)

Ok, this pretty much covers everything about Asuka's final line being about the hospital scene. Now I'll give my thoughs on what I think Anno's authorial intent was when including the line. Keep in mind, this is my personal opinion and there's a possibility of it not being the authorial intent. And again, even if it is, that doesn't mean you have to stick to this interpretation if you want the line to have another meaning.

As many of you know, episodes 21-24 all have a Director's Cut. These added some new content and even redrawn scenes. And I don't think it's far fetched to say that these are the canon versions of the episodes now, especially when these are the ones that are included in its official release on Netflix.

In Director's Cut of episode 22, there is a new bathroom where Asuka expresses disgust at having to share things with Misato and Shinji. She starts going on a rant how she won't use the same bath, toilet, washing machine, or even breathe the same air as Misato and Shinji. She then has a psychological breakdown about how she hates Shinji, Misato, Rei, her mom and dad (the only deserved spots here), but that she hates herself the most. But guess what are the first words she utters in this scene? "Kimochi Warui"

So, based on the fact that Anno was dissatisfied with Yuko's response (because he doesn't like it when people don't want to have cum all over them while they're asleep for whatever reason), I think he decided to change its original context in order for "Kimochi Warui" to mean Asuka being uncomfortable with showing vulnerability.

Asuka has always put up walls due to her extreme defense mechanisms and fear of intimacy. That's why she hates the idea of using the same stuff as Shinji and Misato. She is so terrified of showing vulnerability to the point where it feels disgusting for her.

So in "One More Final: I Need You", Asuka notices that Shinji has started strangling her. In her mind, I doubt she is happy that Shinji is trying to kill her after she just exited Instrumentality. And even though it would be so simple to punch him in the face or kick him in the balls in order to get him off of her, she instead decides to be brave and take a risk by caressing his face to show him her true feelings, telling him that part of her still cares about him despite everything he has done. But at the end of the day, she's still showing vulnerability and opening the door for emotional intimacy, something she has always rejected in order to not get hurt. That's why she still says "How disgusting".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Asuka will go back to her old roots and start avoiding everyone again, more that this is something new for her and she feels uncomfortable connecting with others while accepting their flawed human self.

Well, that's about it. That's my interpretation of EOE's final line and what I think was the authorial intent. Tell me whether you agree or disagree, if you think I missed something or if you have another preferred meaning for "Kimochi Warui".

Just know I'm very grateful that you spent your valuable free time reading my long text of nerdish rambling.

Thank. 🙏

u/InExperimentChambers — 6 days ago