Considering Progressive Christianity
I am a young female catechumen who is thinking long and hard about leaving the church. I have many objections, much of which I have resolved. But there are a few, despite two years in the church, I have yet to resolve. They haunt and bother me:
- Orthodox Marriage and Motherhood:
I am absolutely repulsed by Orthodox marriage. My body is repulsed by it; I physically do not want it. I do not want to be a mother. Even though motherhood is not a strict requirement and one only needs to be "open to life," something in me screams, "No! Don't do it!" It feels like something supernatural, outside of myself, is stopping me from being okay with it.
- Inclusivity and Clergy:
Being anti-LGBTQ and having an all-male clergy does not sit right with me. Scripture and the Church Fathers state that gay acts are a sin, but I cannot sit and tell gay people they are not valid. The thought of being a nun in a monastery serving alongside a trans nun brings me so much joy—it feels so beautiful. The idea of transgender monks and nuns, and blessing gay marriages, feels like a blessing. It is sad these people are barred from that. Furthermore, an all-male clergy just feels weird and off. I don't have a rigid theological reason; it simply doesn't sit right.
- Birth Control and Sterilization:
The Church's stance on birth control is way too strict. While some priests are flexible as long as contraceptives are not "abortifacient" (preventing implantation), that threshold is still too restrictive. The fact sterilization is not allowed. A woman needs to get her bishop's approval for a medically necessary abortion. People should be able to utilize any birth control they want.
Because of these issues, I feel barred off from love altogether and feel forced into monasticism. I want to fall madly in love, have deep devotion, and marry someone, but monasticism feels like the "safe" way to do that. However, I don't want to be forced into it just to have love.
I am a big proponent of Saint Maximus the Confessor's concept of divine Eros: that desire and lust are not inherently bad, but rather energy to be redirected and transformed into a burning love for God, not squashed. Yet, the advice I see everywhere is about aggressively fighting and conquering lust rather than transmuting it. Additionally, the Church's approach to sexuality feels like we are forced to cut off a fundamental part of ourselves. The Church says desire and sex are good only within marriage under exact, correct expressions. This creates immense anxiety. The thought of the marital act in the Orthodox Church gives me anxiety: Am I committing a sin? Am I doing a bad act? Am I too passionate? That sounds like a mess, making monasticism look like the "easy" option just to avoid the anxiety.
I want to look at both options (marriage and monasticism) with full delight, wonder, and zero hesitation, trusting whatever God has in store or whatever my heart truly wants, knowing He will catch me at the end. But the Orthodox Church doesn't offer that freedom because marriage currently feels repulsive and monasticism feels like a default escape rather than a genuine, primary choice.
Because of this, I am open to joining more progressive liturgical churches, such as the Episcopal Church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church, or a schismatic, gay-affirming Orthodox group. Something that believes in the nicene creed, believes that baptism saves and that christ's body and blood is truly present in the eucharist.
My hesitations with progressive churches include:
- Demographics:
Unlike Eastern Orthodoxy or Roman Catholicism, which are growing quickly with young people, progressive mainline churches often skew older. I want fellowship with peers and a chance to find a partner. Theological Anxiety: In the back of my mind, the history of the church and conditioning whispers that ordaining women and affirming queer people means "not real Christianity." I have deep anxiety about picking the wrong church, following doctrine that misrepresents God, or missing the truth.
2. Political turn offs
While I notice progressive churches often have better fruit—being more generous, feeding the hungry, and helping others selflessly—I am not a fan of rainbow flags, rainbow vestments, or rainbow icons in a liturgical setting. It feels like idolatry. I want to put Christ first and keep the pro-gay stance secondary. I want a church that welcomes everyone with open arms, but I don't want the entire focus of the liturgy to be centered around political or social movements. Can we worship God first?
I want to be able to wholeheartedly choose my path from the bottom of my heart, with all my soul, and fully jump in. Right now, I don't have that option in my current church experience
I still am unsure if being pro lgbtq is compatible with christianity. I mentally can't put the two together. But oh, how I want Christ, and I want to love gay people.
I still am attracted to orthodoxy because of certain Saints which of whom I have a strong attachment to and burning love for, the concept of theosis, the concept of being a saint, really saint stories. There's other reasons but yeah. Tell me what y'all think.