u/Independent_Stable82

Hi all. I made another post on another forum however I just wanted to post my girl again.

I lost my best friend/ sister 5th May 2026. I say sister because I am an only child and I grew up with Lulu since I was 6 years old. I know no one else but her.

This is my only outlet for my pain as my parents have deemed me too emotional about losing her. I am in immense guilt about putting her down and I regret it every single day even though I know it was for the best.

For context my cat was 17 and 6 months old. She had many problems such as CKD and arthritis. Near the end 2 weeks before we put her down we found that she might have suspected lymphoma, which really broke my heart. We thought she was fine and she was responding well to the Steriods until one day she started open mouth breathing. After that she only lived 5 more days. Near the end she didn’t eat, she stopped walking (couldn’t hold herself up anymore to walk or use the bathroom) and I saw in her eyes she wanted to give up. Our last attempt was to take her to the urgent vet to give her anti-nausea injection to see if it would work, in the end nothing worked.

The night before she didn’t even close her eyes all night, she just stared at me. We rushed her to the vet as her breathing was now 40 breathes per minute and it was getting worse. I know this is all clear signs of pain and struggle but I’m racked with guilt that I let her down. I have been her “nurse” since I was 17 (now 24) and would give her medicine and take her to the vets. I feel as thought I should have found this out sooner. I feel as though maybe I should have waited longer to put her down.

I stay up every night crying about my best friend. She saved me from some extremely dark places, and without her I wouldn’t be here. I feel as though I should have done the same. It’s not even been 2 weeks yet and I constantly cry. I feel as though a piece of me left with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the pain of losing my best friend. She was my everything. For so long my routine had been about her, now I feel like I have no purpose.

I am also racked with guilt I have another cat whom I love very much however I have a totally different relationship with. Lulu was cuddly, she would kneed my arm before I knew a panic attack was coming, she’d sleep on my chest, she was my constant companion since I was 6. My other cat Lola is 7 and is full of life, rarely cuddles and just runs around or sleeps away from me. I love her as much as I love Lulu but I feel guilty for missing my other cat and the bond we had. Since Lulu died Lola has grown up (may sound silly but that’s how I see it) she sits in places Lulu would sit, however she won’t sit with me still.

I have got a locket now with both my babies in it, and I found some peace in that. However I am still extremely heartbroken over Lulu, we buried her in the garden and I visit her almost every day.

This may sound stupid but I’m afraid she’s alone up there, or angry at me, or even thinks I gave up on her.

I’m just writing this all out as an outlet, maybe even to find some comfort in other people’s stories.

This is my first post and last post on this page and I have no where else to go the grief feels too much to handle.

I lost my best friend, my soul cat and my first companion on the 5th of May 2026. I have had her since I was 6 years old. I can’t remember a time without her and even if I do in the back of my mind I think she was there anyways.

I feel like I’m drowning in my grief. I am 24 years old and have never lost anyone so this is my first time grieving and this has been my worst nightmare for years. I’d stay up at night crying over the fact I’d lose her and persuade myself that I would never lose her.

My Lulu was the most loyal cat I’ve ever known, she would always make biscuits on my arm whenever I was sad or even before I knew I was having a panic attack.

I am an only child and as strange as this may sound she was like a sister/protector all at once. I had a toxic household where shouting was the norm and arguments were had more than happy memories but all that was drowned out by my sweet girl.

When I was 16 she saved me from a decisions I was going to make that would make me not be here anymore and I can’t thank her enough. But I feel guilty I couldn’t save her in the end.

She had kidney disease, cancer (lymphoma), and high blood pressure all at once and we have no idea what took her. She was a stubborn girl she decided it was her time and she stopped eating no matter what we tried. We had to make the decision to put her down the morning we woke up. I can’t help but feel guilty. Every time I think about her even though she was suffering I feel like I killed her.

I had been looking after her since I was 17. Giving her medicine and going to every very visit. I feel like I missed the signs and I could have saved her.

I feel extremely empty without her and I wish I had more time she was my everything. I feel like my world stopped spinning, I feel like I can’t breathe anymore.

I know cat grief is common but I feel extremely alone without my baby.

My heart goes out to everyone going through this. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy.