I feel so alone
I feel so alone. To the outside world, my life would feel like such a dream to some people.
I have the most loving parents... They are willing to do whatever I want. They spent so much money on my education.. tuitions and everything. extracurriculars.
I got into NTU (one of my dream courses)
I am currently interning in one if the biggest hospitals in Singapore. (For the past three months) Which is basically like gold for my portfoilio.
My elder sibling is overseas for an exchange trip. So the spotlight is on me, which is all I have ever wanted. I always craved the attention from my parents, relatives , cousins and I finally got it. It is me and only me. And yet I feel this deep sense of longingness in my heart. I can't really explain it. I've been always trying to prove myself since primary 3. There was streaming.. and I got into the second best class 3/2 and not 3/1. I remember that day I ran home crying because I was not in the best class.. my whole family was diasopainted? Shocked???. They thought I had more potential. For contact my elder sibling was in the top class their whole life.
Ever since hen I have been trying to prove myself to my parents.. my elder sibling... Relatives.. cousins from psle to o levels to a levels so much so that it took a drastic toll on my mental health.
I managed to pull through in the end... Get good ish grades.... Get accepted by one of the golden "top 3" unis, land a job most people my age would dream of (for portfoilio)
I managed to save enough to buy myself an ipad.. buy my parents some gifts... (From my first salary)
And yet something dosent feel right. I can't quite put my finger on it
Maybe it's because after years.. my brain has finally nothing to stress about and it dosent know what to do.. I feel so lonely so empty
As each day passes at work it just gets emptier and emptier. All my coworkers are in their 30s and 40s .. much more older ... Experienced and mature than me .. it's a bit harder to talk to them.. it's also a hospital setting so they r v v v busy and stressed a bit hard to create a good rapport with them.
Haizzzz idk I'm scared to start uni also and I feel so empty.
I juz wanna go back to the good old sec sch days.