Scared about attending art college, worried about future and debt
Self explanatory title, but I don’t have many other places to talk about this and need to get it off my chest. I’m a 19 year old soon to attend art college in the fall, majoring in animation. I’m currently in community college, however due to the school’s structure, I was only able to transfer certain classes rather than be admitted into a higher level beyond freshman.
When I was accepted, I was so happy and relieved and excited, feeling I was finally going somewhere with my “dream” (a notion of hundreds of thousands of artists). Even with the extra time I’d need to spend at the university, I was in love with the student work and the potential for opportunities. With insistence from my parents and family, I submitted the deposit in April.
Ever since then, I can’t help but have a feeling of impending dread. I’m extremely grateful and lucky to have parents willing to support school, let alone an art career, but the cost is still so drastic, even with $25K in scholarships. My parents were not transparent with me during this process, and we will have to take on loans in order to cover the majority of costs. Beyond that, I‘ve since learned of unsavory things about the college, mainly with the lack of resources and support for students. While I knew previously it was very demanding, I’m starting to fear that the amount of time and money that will go into it will inevitably be a waste.
My final fear is much more trivial, but I’m ashamed at the thought of seeing my peers graduate in their respective fields before me, with degrees that would actually payoff.
I adore animation, I always have, and I cannot envision a lifetime where I wouldn’t at the very least try to make something out of it. It feels that every part of my life has led up towards this, and yet I’m left with nothing but uncertainty, especially as the industry is far from its prime. I have considered withdrawing my enrollment, taking another year at community college, praying that I’ll actually be able to transfer next year. But I’d feel stuck, like I’m waiting again for disappointment, or regretting the decision to not go. I feel selfish, for not feeling the same excitement I felt at the time of my acceptance and having my parents go through this trouble. I feel selfish for a part of me still wanting to go despite everything.