the possibility that I’m so severely mentally ill im incapable of even knowing.
Thought crossed my mind in bed.
I have fallen out with multiple friends/groups. Sometimes to the point of retaliation, even physically harming these people.
Every time this has happened I’ve felt justified, like I was fully in the right and they were in the wrong.
I feel like statistically that’s not possible, if this makes sense?.. the sheer amount of people I’ve severed from my life because they were all horrible and made my life miserable?..
I feel like at this point most people have some sort of self awareness where they look back and reflect, and acknowledge they aren’t perfect, made mistakes and was in the wrong for a few of the arguments they’ve had with old friends but, genuinely? I have not experienced this. And I do genuinely feel like every friend I cut off or done something bad in return to I was entirely justified. Which begs the question.
Could I be so mentally unwell that my view of things is so clouded I’m literally incapable of seeing my own wrong doing? The thought crosses my mind every few months. What if im just so unwell I can’t even see it. What if im some sociopath with schizophrenia? BPD? APD? Narcissistic?.. my view so clouded that I’m literally incapable of seeing any of this?
Is this a thought other people struggle with too? Just me? For the record I haven’t convinced myself I’m severely mentally unwell. However… the possibility’s are endless. It’s an entirely plausible theory. It just gives me the creeps