I’m 26, in my final year of law school, and I’ll be graduating in about two months. I don’t feel excited about becoming a lawyer and I don’t feel passionate about any specific path. And I think a big part of it is that I’ve been struggling with depression and eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia) for years- for a long time, that’s what most of my life has revolved around.
I started taking medication when I was 17, but during my studies (especially during COVID) things got worse and worse. Instead of building a life around my studies, I feel like I was just trying to survive.
Looking back, I feel like I missed everything. I didn’t make any real friendships, I didn’t take advantage of opportunities, I didn’t really “live” the student experience. And now I’m left with a lot of regret.
I try to be kind to myself and remind myself that it was hard, that there were times I didn’t even want to be here anymore..But the regret is still there, and I don’t know how to forgive myself for what feels like wasted years. On top of all this, my situation is complicated by the fact that I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (he’s French) for the 1,5 year, and we trying to figure out a future together. We’ve already lived together before, I spent 6 months in France during my Erasmus exchange, and he also lived in my country for few months. If it wasn’t for this relationship, I think I would probably just continue on this law path, even without much passion, and try to build a career in law in my home country. But now that we want to actually settle in one place together, my career path has become a real issue. The reality is that my degree doesn’t translate easily. Law is very country-specific, and I don’t really have a path to work as a lawyer in France after graduating from a Polish law program.
I’ve been thinking about doing another master’s degree in France, maybe in business, or pursuing something related to international law. But instead of feeling motivated, I just feel terrible, unsure with this feeling „it’s too late, there are 282929 better people than you there, go back to your cave”. I just don’t believe anymore in myself and in my future.
I would really appreciate your perspective and hearing about your experiences. I know I’m probably seeing everything through a very dark lens right now, and I might not be able to assess my situation objectively.