I've been suffering immensely for a very long time, and every day it's as if I'm forced to watch myself die all over again. I can't put my experience of this hell into words anymore. I feel totally gone and like I have fallen into a nothingness so deep that every single thing about life has faded from my awareness. It feels like consciousness is a lie and that I will fall into total blackness any second, and that is how every second of my life is.
I just want to come up for air. It's like I have been suffocating and had all the life strangled out of me slowly over this last almost decade. I really wish I could get better, but I don't see how that is possible at this point, since nothing I've tried in the past worked even slightly and every symptom has been getting worse, slowly but surely.
Even if someone told me about this, I wouldn't have ever been able to grasp the true horror of this condition, and my heart goes out to everyone suffering intensely from this.