u/Inevitable_Jello_635

I’ve been in my car since…last September and have been doing pretty good for the most part and found a few great spots for napping. When I’m studying/doing homework, I open up my trunk at the beach and just chill for HOURS (I hate nursing school), so because of this, the cops that patrol/park up at the beach are pretty familiar with me. I dont think they know I live in my car and if they do, they have never said anything about it or hinted towards it.

Anyways, I was studying yesterday and decided to take a small nap. Covered my windows and windshield and what not at like 7ish. THEN WOKE UP IN A PANIC TO HARSH KNOCKS ON MY WINDOW. I WAS LIKE WHO TF (the cops would never unless theyre teasing me. like one night when i was walking up to my car, they purposefully threw a whole ticket pad onto my windshield while laughing)

So. I took a peek under my covering while trying to mentally prepare myself and my speech if it was a newbie cop. Turns out. It was my STALKER (abusive ex boyfriend I escaped months ago). I stayed quiet and he didnt see me because of how dark my tint was and I watched as he left a brown paper on my window. Then he left. But knowing him, I knew he would stay around, just hidden. So I stayed in my car, and passed out…

THEN I HEARD KNOCKS AGAIN. I freaked out because it turned out I passed out until 2am so I was like “okay, this is definitely the cops. let me ready up my excuse, pull out all of my textbooks” 🤣🤣

THE WAY I WANTED TO TURN MY CAR ON AND RUN THIS PERSON OVER. IT WAS MY EX AGAIN. HE WAITED FROM 8PM to 2AM FOR ME TO EITHER ENTER OR LEAVE MY CAR. He couldnt tell if I was in my car or not due to my coverings and he was yelling “are you in there or not?”

Anyways. I started crying and when he wasnt making contact with my car, I drove down the parking lot to where the cops were parked up and had a mental breakdown in front of them while they turned their lights on to scare my stalker. They are well aware of my stalker and it’s not their first encounter with him, but because he’s technically not committing a crime or threatening my life, they cant do much except intimidate.

And here I thought, living out of my car and constantly moving around, will deter my stalker. I hate it here.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt like a degen till now. I called out of work today at 5:58M for my 6am shift…I did this last week as well. At a new hospital that I just started 3 weeks ago…And to ease my guilt I told myself “what’s the worst that could happen? nothing is worse than working 3 different jobs while in nursing school and still having to live out of your car” and telling myself that just put me in one of the worst mental state I’ve been in in awhile. and the reason why I called out? simply because im exhausted. but why am I exhausted? when I spent the past weeks “car rotting” ? I’ve been using all my spare time to sleep and it’s just never enough. and now I just want to give up? not on my actual life…nothing suicidal. but I just dont want to go through my nursing program, I just want to drop out. I want to quit all 3 of my hospital jobs. I want to move to the middle of nowhere and just struggle to live on some retail salary because that stress sounds easier than the stress and exhaustion now. and it’s so lonely, not being able to explain to friends and family your living situation because they would judge and not understand. I keep telling myself to stick it for another year but… I guess we’ll find out how life will really go.