I got my first ever callback for a part I really wanted and didn’t get it
I’ve been with the same local theater company for 3 years now. This summer was my fourth year auditioning for them. I auditioned for a role I really wanted in this show, and I actually got called back for it. This was a huge deal for me because this was literally my first callback ever. It felt so hopeful, so promising. There were other guys called back for the role. During my callback I felt nervous but I tuned out the audience and just focused on my scene partner and played the scene twice, with two different partners. I felt I did well, given how nervous I was on the inside, I didn’t keep looking at the script page, I made eye contact, I added a bit of playfulness which I felt was good for the role. Context, all three years I’ve been in this company, I’ve always been in the ensemble. But this year was different, after all, I finally got called back. But a few days later, they emailed me, offering a role in the ensemble. They did add that my callback went great, but, naturally I was deeply disappointed. I did respond saying I’d still accept it, mostly because these summer shows are the only human connections I get (I really don’t have many friends outside of theater, and I only see them during these summer shows) so that’s better than just being lonely most of the summer, and I still liked the show we’re doing. The full cast list isn’t out yet, but our first read through is next month. I still don’t know who beat me out for the role, and I’m slightly worried that I’ll be reminded of how much I wanted this role every time the person who was cast in it plays it out. It hurt just how close I got to something I wanted so much. I wanted to finally have something where I could stand out a bit (this role wasn’t huge but it was still an important named role) and I understand there’s no shame being in the ensemble, it’s a big and imperative part of the show, but… after three years, and finally being called back, only to be placed back there again, it really stung. I got the news I wouldn’t get that role just two days ago, so I’m still in the middle of the disappointment and sadness, and I guess I’m just looking for some advice on how to deal with this from other theater people who might have gone through this before. Any advice will be much appreciated.