Husband Wants to Separate 2 Months Post Op
Hello, my husband told me yesterday he wants to separate on the 2 month post op mark.
I want to say I'm at a loss but the writing was on the wall. There has been A LOT that has happened. But it still doesn't make it easier...
34 yo with no kids, together for almost 11 years (married almost 8 years). Initially, we were supposed to start trying this year but there were complications..
I had an emergency hysterectomy. Roughly 8 months prior I had a myomectomy that resulted in a continuous ongoing period (cramps and all) that made me literally feel like I was dying. The bleeding was HEAVY. I mean bleeding through heavy period panties with an overnight pad (diaper type ish). The embarrassment of being at work and realizing only a few hours in I needed to go home.
It was exhausting being paranoid about changing every 2, sometimes 3 on a good day, hours. I could be at work for a few hours and then realize i bled through my pants. It was terrifying. Didn't even want to even go out for fun. Even on the day of my hysterectomy, I bled.
I was laid off. I had to make a decision on whether I try to get this medical situation taken care of or try to find a new job immediately and pray I would be able to function properly. Lets be real theres no way a new job would let you take 4 weeks off immediately after hiring for surgery.. After discussing with my husband, we chose my health..
My mom came out for the first 10 days post-op. She helped take care of me and kept the house clean, but as soon as she left my husband didn't really do anything.
It really felt like I had to nag him to get some help. He didn't bother looking into anything about the surgery and the healing process. I only bring that up cause I've read some posts and comments that mentioned how attentive their spouse or s.o was and it makes me want to cry. It's so sweet and I wish I could say I had that too.
Its like he wants to be spoon fed all the information, honestly it makes me feel like a lack of care. If the shoe was on the other foot I would have researched all i could to make sure he was supported.
Sex was also an issue well before any of the surgeries. It caused me pain, but I tried for him. I did let him know and even tried the 'oh' rings, among other things, but it didn't help.. I ended up developing an aversion to intimacy and kind of shut down. It was just hard talking to him about it, he would act like he understood but still take it personally. Always left me feeling worn down.. With everything removed, I was looking forward to when we could try again. Really hopeful that I wouldn't have the same pain..
So yea, things have been rocky. Not much sex, money being tighter and now the factor of no kids. I just feel like its the straw that broke the camels back. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought of divorce either, but I just thought we could make it through this too. I left my ovaries intact to hopefully get my eggs frozen so we could try to have a child another way. Feels like that was for nothing.
This healing process has me emotionally all over the place and its caused me to become recluse (who am I kidding I was developing anxiety months back, I just haven't bounced back yet-- have to be real with myself).
So, yes I guess the writing was on the wall. It was coming, but it still fucking hurts.
S/N: there are no medical bills *all paid for* (he didn't have to spend a dime), and I still contribute to paying half of all the bills.
This may be all over the place, but so I am lol. It feels a little better getting this off my chest.
Also, for anyone wondering after the myomectomy the fibroids came back bigger than before and increased in number. 1 was even on the outer wall of my uterus.
Edit: I forgot to add, even with everything going on. I don't regret my choice. I would do it all over again. I haven't bled since the surgery and I am soooooo thankful for that!