I am far too young, at the ripe age of 18 and already tired.I always feel like I'm too ugly, and an Indian girl on top of that when there are far more prettier white girls out there. I have autism and adhd and from a young age and I have always felt like I'm a cockroach cosplaying as a girl.
Non verbal for 7 years, toxic family, no friends, heavily bullied, SA'd countless times. Most of my life has been like this. My dad has declared that no man will ever love me and I only had one relationship in my life with another autistic man, who under unfortunate circumstances had to leave me. After that, I've been empty for a long time.
I try dating other guys but there is just absolutely no way any guy can handle or love me. I am utterly unlovable and an ugly duckling. My autism makes it very hard to get along with men as I am too sensitive and emotional.
I am tired. I just want to skip the phase of getting into relationships that won't work and just meet the love of my life, and do everything with him, in hopes of loving me. I want a good man, a kind, patient, loyal man that I'm gonna love to death. I love too much. I want to be loved. I'm tired.
I will forever be alone and my dad was right.