Should I delay transferring to SFSU because of severe anxiety about commuting and handling school?
I’m supposed to transfer to SFSU this fall as a design student, and I’m seriously considering delaying my transfer for a semester or maybe a year because my anxiety has gotten really bad.
I have MDD, anxiety, ADHD, and autism, and one of the biggest things I’m struggling with right now is the commute. I live pretty far from campus and would have to take public transportation into SF. I’m really scared about doing the commute alone, and I haven’t even been able to get myself to do a full practice commute by myself yet.
The frustrating part is that some days I feel completely fine and think, “I can do this. It’ll be hard at first, but I’ll adjust.” Then I’ll have days where my anxiety gets extremely bad and I genuinely don’t know if I can handle the commute AND being at school all day.
My anxiety also gets very physical. When it gets bad, I get extremely nauseous, lose my appetite, feel like I might throw up, etc. It’s not always something that goes away after an hour either. I’ve had periods where the physical anxiety symptoms last for days or even weeks, which makes me scared about what will happen once classes actually start.
I did community college mostly online, so I’ve honestly spent the last few years not going out very much. Going from that to commuting into SF and attending an in-person university feels like a massive change, especially since I’m already a very anxious person.
This also isn’t my first experience with something like this. Right after high school, I tried attending a university about three hours away from home. My anxiety and depression became so severe that I ended up withdrawing before classes really started. That experience was pretty traumatic for me, so I think part of me is terrified of repeating it.
Another huge source of anxiety is financial aid. I was told that my aid is supposed to disburse around August 19, and that if I withdraw after receiving aid and don’t complete the semester, I could potentially have to pay some of it back. The idea of trying to force myself through the semester, realizing I genuinely can’t handle it, and then owing thousands of dollars makes me feel sick.
At the same time, I don’t want anxiety to make this decision for me. Part of me wonders if I should just push myself to go and see if I eventually adjust. But another part of me wonders if the fact that I’m already getting this physically sick and overwhelmed before classes have even started is a sign that I should give myself more time.
I’m currently thinking about either:
- Going this fall and trying to stick it out (but I’m scared about the financial aid aspect of if I can’t stick it out)
- Delaying for one semester and working on becoming more independent/comfortable commuting
- Taking a full year off and then trying again when I’m hopefully in a better place
I’m especially interested in hearing from other SFSU commuters, transfer students, design students, or people with anxiety/ADHD/autism who have dealt with something similar.
Did commuting and being on campus eventually become easier once you got used to it? Do you think taking time off would make the transition easier, or would I just be postponing the same anxiety?
I know nobody on Reddit can make the decision for me. I’m also talking about this with my therapist and trying to figure out what would be best. I just really want to hear from people who have been through something similar because right now I feel very torn between pushing myself and recognizing that I might genuinely need more time.