u/Intelligent_Sand8077

I was sexually assaulted by my boss about 5 months ago.

Since then, I filed a police report, did a SANE kit, had my interview with forensics, did photo lineup with my detective, and got my SANE results back. A few weeks ago, my detective issued a search warrant to obtain the suspects DNA. I’m guessing it’ll be another 3 months for those results.

If theres enough evidence after the matching DNA results come back, and this goes to prosecution, what steps should I expect after that?

From my understanding, this is a criminal case and I will have to get a lawyer to sue him as a civil case? I’m a little confused on when to get a lawyer involved. My previous boss is also extremely wealthy and has a legal team, so I’m extremely intimidated by that. Any tips to make my life easier? I’ve learned the justice system is extremely difficult..

This is extremely hard to talk about, but i have such a unique situation at hand and would love some advice.

On Jan 16 this year, I was at a work dinner with my boss, and ended up being sexually assaulted by him. Buckle your seat belts folks.

So for backstory, my boss was the owner of a company in oil & gas that I had been working for since 2022. Our team was about 10-15 people, and we were all super tight. He would take us out to lunches, dinners, attend everyone’s weddings and monumental moments. Super successful, smart guy. Very generous. Paid everyone well, and did a lot for his employees. Got his doctorate in Pakistan, moved to the US with his whole family, built a $15M company in a few years.

Throughout the 3.5 years of working with him, I was promoted to Sales Manager. We worked on many projects together, had lunches and dinners together often (most of the time with coworkers, sometimes not.) He never made me feel weird at all. No flirting. Full on dad vibes. He knew I did not have a relationship with my dad and I felt he kind of stepped up for me and shared his wisdom. (I feel stupid reliving this everytime. I get it. I believe in good people okay..)

Last year he sold his company and we became corporate, he signed a contract to be COO for a year. We ended up relocating to about an hour and a half away from where I had just bought a house, so I was stuck with a 3 hour daily commute.

Last October, I decided to go back to therapy after struggling with cocaine addiction. (Sober for over 6 months whoop!) I shared this with him and my mental struggles. He would always recommend exercise or other solutions and seemed like he genuinely cared. We were all super close at work and it felt like my second family.

Well anyways, I ended up starting EMDR therapy at the end of November to attempt to work through my childhood trauma. Very quickly after, I was having extreme flashbacks, constant panic attacks, and my symptoms of depression and anxiety were at an all time high. I couldn’t get out of bed to shower for a few weeks. Wouldn’t sleep for a few days. I could barely function, truly. My boss was very understanding and let me use PTO until I was feeling better (this only lasted a few weeks.)

My boss ended up letting us know he was leaving the company after his year contract was up, which was on January 16th of this year. I was still struggling mentally, but my therapist recommended I try going back to work with just half days. I ended up finding the will to return that Friday for my bosses last day. Showed up early to decorate his door/office and got a card for everyone to sign to show appreciation.

He ended up inviting me and my sister to dinner to celebrate his last day/talk about future plans. (This wasn’t weird to me. He literally let my family stay at his Airbnb after a hurricane and has been there for me a lot.) My sister had work, but I of course agreed to go to dinner to have one last hoorah.

We all ended up getting off of work around 1pm and I texted my boss to meet for lunch instead. He agreed. We got lunch and had hookah, he told me about a new company he had been secretly building and he wanted me to be Vice President. Promised me all this success and money. And I bought it. I really did believe him, and I had consistently seen results of his success. I had no reason to not believe him.

We kept hanging out and eventually ordered a few drinks, after a few drinks I essentially black out. We ended up in a club parking lot and he forced himself on me. I remember pushing him off a few times but couldn’t fight it. I was extremely uncomfortable and scared. I don’t remember walking to his truck, but all of a sudden we were having sex. According to my time stamps on my phone of my boyfriend trying to get ahold of me, I had to have been in his truck for about 3-4 hours. I later drove home and don’t remember getting home or getting in bed. I believe I could’ve been drugged because I know how alcohol makes me feel.

I suppressed this situation for days before telling my whole family, boyfriend, and therapist. I went to the hospital that same day and did a SANE kit. I was also fired from my job this day. I seriously don’t think that they knew, but they were pushing me to apply for short term disability and fired me 2 days later, so I have since filed a charge with the EEOC and am hoping for mediation.

It has been 4 months since everything happened. I am still unemployed, but filed the EEOC charge against my employer. I filed a police report, did a photo lineup with my detective and gave him all the evidence I have on my phone. My SANE kit results came back with 2 abnormal DNAs (one being the assaulter and one being my boyfriend), and since then the detective got a search warrant to retrieve DNA from my previous boss and then my boyfriend went in to voluntarily give DNA. I’m guessing it will be another 3 months before I hear back on that.

I am truly searching for any advice or expectations from this situation. I have poured my entire soul into fighting for justice, while also feeling stupid and guilty. Healing myself, relationships, navigating my trauma and still struggling with unemployment, on top of extreme anxiety and depression. This situation truly feels so lonely and unrelatable to anyone I’ve ever talked to. It’s so much to explain, there’s so many angles. I’m sure I’ve missed a few in just this post.

I’ve gotten better at letting go of control and knowing all I can do is keep fighting but I won’t know the outcome for awhile. Thank you for sticking to the end and I would love to hear your thoughts.