u/Interesting_Film6035

Hi, I have been the unluckiest person ever, nothing that I have loved or prayed for has ever been given to me. People have always used me, played with my feelings, manipulated, lied to me and walked away from me like I never existed. I have major trust issues. I have been in a cycle of rejection from people be it friendship or love. When I say I have nobody, I mean it, not a single soul on this planet has me somewhere even remotely in their thoughts or priority. When I think about marriage I always feel I will be rejected and I can't gather the guts to open up or connect with anyone. I have lot of depth in me and I fear no one would ever be able to understand or think as deeply or devotedly about me, even in the past I have devoted myself to people whenever I have felt a connection (which is also rare because I don't feel connection easily) but they have walked away like I was the most superficial thing in their life.

I 31 F have had the worst romantic life. No one has ever loved me that way, whoever I felt deeply for has always treated me like I am nobody, always left or dropped me to chase other people. Last I felt something for someone and I met them through a matrimonial app also left me without even a clear reason and took away the last bit of hope I had for a happy dreamy marriage. I am also going through skin ailments. I feel very empty when I think about marriage. Is marriage not written for me?