I’m a veteran (42/M), and have been out for almost 20 years. I’m diagnosed with TBI, PTSD, MDD, GAD, possible ADHD, and Panic Disorder.
Trying to make this short but it probably won’t be. I’ve been on a lot of different meds over the years and was diagnosed with Treatment Resistant Depression. A little over a year ago I got the bright idea to come off my meds. At that time I was on Bupropion 300mg SA (what the VA uses) and 100mg of Zoloft. The “reason” I wanted to come off was because I thought they weren’t working anymore and I wanted to pursue more natural remedies.
I titrated down over a few weeks and then stopped. Probably should have stretched that out a little more but I didn’t feel bad. After that, I started using medical cannabis and I thought that was helping but ended up making my anxiety spin out of control. During this time I was going through a loss of a dream job that I had for over 10 years, challenges with my two kids, and wanting to disappear from society.
Fast forward a few months, everything went extremely bad. Literally losing my mind, couldn’t control my emotions, anxiety, or panic. It was to the point where I would be in full blown panic around my family and own small circle of people?? I went to the VA ER a few times, didn’t go inpatient, even though I probably should have but was too worried about supporting my family.
The VA tried starting back on Zoloft at a very low dose to try and work my way up, I couldn’t handle it at all! It made no sense to me, since I was on it before. They gave me some Ativan to take as needed and to help get me stabilized.
Shortly after, they put me through 36 TMS sessions. There were a lot of ups and downs with that and I feel like something changed in my brain, I really can’t explain if it’s good or bad. I seem more sensitive to things now, including medication and substance (alcohol).
After TMS, they put me on Trazadone at night for a month or so. No improvements so they switched me to this new combination, Bupropion and Lexapro.
I’m just two weeks in. They started me on 10mg of Lex and then increased it to 20mg, taken at night. Bupropion started at 150mg, and I am to increase it to 300mg this Friday.
These first two weeks haven’t been very pleasant, but I am starting to notice subtle, positive shifts. I’ve been through so much worse in my time in the military and life, but I am really struggling with just trying to be a better and functional person. I know I need to be better and I desperately want to be better, but I feel blocked. It’s so frustrating and I feel weak and pathetic to be honest. My anxiety and panic are definitely a major issue as well as my depression. Like I said, I am noticing some little improvements, but I am looking for more individuals like myself that are on these meds to hear how they work for you. I know every single human reacts differently and how their brains are affected, just looking for feedback.
I have been a heavy drinker throughout my adult life and I am working on putting that behind me to get the most benefits out of these meds. I hate taking meds, but I clearly know I need something. I haven’t had anything to drink since I started taking these meds.
I’ve been in and out of therapy for years, but never really got a big improvement from it. I know it’s important but know which route to take with that either.
I’m an open book and will answer any questions.
Thank you!