is loving what’s good for me just settling?
I’ve been with my gf for 3.5 years and things are great on paper but I’m struggling. Our sex life has gone through ups and downs and every time I feel myself settling for less and less. Long story short, we have sex once a month (if that) and it’s typically only when she wants it. In the past I’ve tried initiating but usually got turned down so I quit trying (got tired of rejection) and when we do have sex, never fails that I always top but I always have to ask her to top me, which makes it feel like I’m asking for affection. It doesn’t feel like my partner is making love to me because she’s attracted to me, it feels like she’s doing it because I asked (yes there is a BIG difference) Now mind you, I’ve learned her tells and it seems like she still hasn’t learned mine because I still have to ask. And in the past when I’ve pulled back, is when she somehow sees it and only then will she show me affection, but why does it have to be when I pull back? Why can’t it be always, like how I am with her? And she knows it because we’ve discussed it in depth. So the last few times we’ve had sex, I don’t ask for reciprocation and guess what, she doesn’t. So now I’m annoyed, frustrated, and really sad. So lately I’ve been paying more attention to how I initiate all forms of physical intimacy, whether it’s hand holding, hugging/cuddling, making out, anything physically intimate it’s always me, especially when we’re in public. If I don’t reach for her, we walk side by side like we’re just platonic friends. So I told myself I’m gonna stop it all, all the ways I show physical affection to her is stopping now. It’s making me think our relationship is dried up (pun intended) and close to its end. Now I don’t wanna end it because I do love her so so much and the thought of hurting her makes me cry but idk how much longer I can deal with this. I don’t wanna cheat obviously, I have to much love and respect for her to do that, but the thought is crossing my mind weekly. We have all these plans we’ve talked about but idk if it’s even worth it. Everything else in our relationship is good. We do a lot for each other, have only ever had 3 fights in all our years together, and as a partnership, it’s great. I’ve heard someone say that sometimes you need to love what’s good for you, even if it’s lacking in one spot. But is that just settling, idk. Not sure how to go about this.