I’m going to hell
I can feel it everyday, I’m pathetic and getting weaker and weaker both mentally physically and spiritually. Half of me feels rotten yet the other half says “You haven’t even done anything wrong”. Sure I sin. Sloth Lust and Pride mainly. starting to take cannabis regularly too just to escape reality but I can’t because it’s all of his. He doesn’t listen to my moans and cries anymore. Not since I tried to “end” myself like the little depressed teenager I am. I feel so conflicted like I’m falling into maddess and delusion. Maybe none of it was ever real. God! Never spoke to me just myself like the “demon” that humiliated me after I tried to leave after months of begging God to let me die. Was I really born to just be a victim of Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Is this what it is? To know God exists yet never getting to be with him?!