Do I stay in South Africa unemployed, and depressed, or do I leave so I build a better future for my son and I?
I’m in a really difficult position and honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m in South Africa, co-parenting across provinces. My son lives in Eastern Cape with his father while I’m in the Western Cape. We share 50/50parenting rights and responsibilities for our son. Over time, I’ve increasingly felt like I need permission just to be part of my own child’s life. Communication between my son and I feels heavily controlled. My son has his own phone, yet contact still happens largely at the father’s discretion. There have been times my son barely responds to messages or calls, but when the father is not around, he communicates more freely and openly.
There have also been two incidents where the father discontinued calls between myself and my son while we were speaking. Information about school activities and important matters is also often not shared with me.
I’m currently unemployed in South Africa and cannot afford an attorney. I recently informed the father that I may need to work abroad in order to provide for myself and my son, and that I wanted us to discuss communication and contact arrangements going forward. His response was that I should communicate through his attorney. I don’t have a problem with that, but I hate the feeling that it feels like I have to ask for permission to be in my son’s life.
What hurts is being told that my relationship with my son is “limited” while simultaneously feeling like every effort I make to stay involved is being frustrated or controlled.
I’ve always encouraged the relationship between my son and his father. I never interfered with their communication when my son was with me. That’s why this situation has been so emotionally painful and confusing.
Now I feel trapped between two impossible choices:
- stay in South Africa unemployed, financially unstable, and emotionally deteriorating
- or work abroad to try build stability, while fearing even more distance between myself and my son
I love my son deeply. I’m trying to hold on and do the right thing, but I honestly feel overwhelmed and scared right now.
I’ve contacted the Family Advocates office with no luck, they don’t answer calls or respond to emails.
I genuinely need advice and support.