She’s back!
Got my period back in 1 month. I feel so grateful that it did not take long for me. Weighed myself yesterday and gained >!10 pounds!< Started at >!113 pounds!< I still exercised but took a few more rest days. I only weight lift 2 times a week for an hour and a half each time and walk 8-10k steps a day. I ate anywhere from >!2,000 - 3,800!< calories depending on my enormous appetite. My appetite is still so high! The hunger doesn’t feel as urgent as it did during recovery which is a relief. Not sure why I thought my appetite would magically be lower when my cycle returned lol. I honestly had such a hard time sleeping during this process, I’d wake up starving and have to eat in order to go back to sleep and then I’d still wake up starving. I’d eat breakfast and then feel like I could sleep another 10 years. Please eat if this is you! It will just help speed up this process. I also experienced a lot of vaginal pain, aches and pains in my thighs, hot flashes, heart palpitations upon waking, GAS, insane breast and nipple tenderness for about 5 days before my period came. But my hair is shiny and strong and the decrease in anxiety is so noticeable for me, maybe recovery has given me a reason to be anxious so every other little thing doesn’t stress me out like it did before lol. Food noise has calmed down some- I don’t feel this urge to plan my next meals or think about how I can’t wait to eat again. My libido is back and I can hold in my pee for more than 10 minutes if I need to. I have boobs for the first time as a 28 year old lol. I am much warmer and less angry. I honestly ate whatever I wanted based on what we had in the house- promptly realized how many things I didn’t keep in the house due to fear of losing control. I started to eat higher calorie bread again, rice, granola, and at least 2 - 6 homemade cookies almost everyday. I’m still really scared for the future but knowing that I got through all of these really tough symptoms made me see that I never want to go through this again. I already felt like I was going insane before and the feeling just heightened at the start of recovery. Questioning my appetite, questioning if I’m using recovery as an excuse to get bigger, questioning how this awful symptoms are better than not having a period, questioning why I feel the need to stay smaller, why can’t I just be a normal person with food, why do other woman get to be way smaller than me and function normally? I know this is genuinely so hard and the only way out is through but you are going to get there. Don’t give up on yourself because you absolutely deserve better. Try to trust your intention because there is nothing else you can do, there is no single road map for anyone to get better. You have to focus on the reasons why you started recovery and do not forget them during this hellish time. xo