u/KCloud_08

CW: light descriptions of sexual acts, hinted death

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How many of you can say you get paid to do what you love? Something that gives you pleasure; and when I say pleasure, I’m not talking about joy, pride, or any of those things. I mean real pleasure. The type that makes you not able to hold back. 

I’m gonna be honest. I was never really an attractive guy. The girls never whispered and giggled when I passed by, I never had anyone come to me nervous and shy, no one has ever asked me out. So when I got the proposal to star in porn productions, I accepted it on the spot. Who doesn’t want to get paid to rail hotties day and night? 

The rules were pretty simple. I’d need to wear a mask during the whole act and not tell anyone about it. The higher ups didn’t want my identity to be known. They said it’d ruin the whole show. Fair enough. I could understand that. Many people have this fetish. And I wouldn’t be taking the attention from their lovely hoes. Worked for me just fine. 

The best part of it was that I could do literally anything with them. I like being in control so BDSM was a must. And the audience loved it. I could also fuck them raw, no condoms, just skin to skin and all the sensations flowing between us. They told me I didn’t need to worry about it, so I didn’t. I just wanted to enjoy myself. 

Every day we’d record with a different woman. They really didn’t hold back on the options. I’ve fucked Asians, Americans, Europeans, older women, younger, from cup A to F. I went from outcast to Casanova in the blink of an eye. And it was all thanks to Heavenly Hoes. 

Yes, yes, I know. That’s me. I’m the sexy masked man you all jerk off watching. I know you don’t know who I am, but still I thought I’d address my fans and at least give you all a heads up. I won’t be recording for that website anymore. Not for any, actually, for a good while. 

A few months ago, I had this lump appear on the back of my head. The doctor said it was a lipoma and asked if it hurt or anything. I said it didn’t really bother me, so he saw no reason to make me go through surgery. But then the headaches came. And the insomnia. 

I don’t know how to explain, but even now I am sure I’m being watched. I don’t know if this is just some sort of paranoia from being in front of the cameras so much, maybe fear of people finding out what I do, who I am. I guess before I was mainly afraid of losing my job that I loved so much. But it doesn’t matter anymore. My nose has started bleeding. I’ve been hearing things. 

Once I even had a hoe suggest canceling a session with me. Alicia, I’ll never forget her. Tall, curvy - temptation was her middle name. She was so fiery in the beginning. We did the wildest positions and explored the kinkiest fetishes. Definitely knew how to bring Heaven to me. Then suddenly she vanished. A month, two, three. Some of the others hadn’t come back before, and I had many other women to keep me entertained and fuck as much as I wanted, but I could never get her out of my head. Where would she be? What could she be doing? Why did she leave? 

I replayed our sessions in my head, hoping it wasn’t something I had done. She was always so loose with everything, it was hard thinking anything that could’ve driven her away. So it wasn’t me. Alicia never complained about the rules or about our employers either, so I doubted it could be that. I could only imagine it might’ve been a change of heart. She could’ve found something better to do. Sad, but nothing I could do about it. I still had many others to take advantage of.

Then one day Alicia returned. She was different; so pale her skin almost looked translucent. I asked her if she was sick. She told me no. The drive that I loved so much about her was gone. She also seemed almost fearful during the act. More hesitant and contained about it all. I asked her if there was anything wrong. Again, she told me no. 

That’s when I started to feel sick. At first I thought she might’ve passed me a STI – I had no idea how the higher ups dealt with that, but I assumed they took care of that sort of thing. However, the symptoms didn’t match. Then I started having trouble, you know, getting it up. I really wasn’t feeling good enough for anything sexual. 

Alicia was the first to suggest canceling. Then Rebecca. Jasmine and Loretta seemed relieved when the proposal came from me. It came to a point where the employers required a meeting, demanding to know what was happening and why they were no longer getting any results. When I asked to step down, they said that was impractical - whatever that meant. I insisted and they told me they’d give me some time to think. I have another meeting today and I haven’t changed my mind. So that’s it. Will keep you updated. 

– Last updated 2 months ago.

-

Hayden adjusted the mask. He liked it. It made him feel confident. Two months into the job and he had already mastered all the women. New ones came and went all the time. He didn’t remember their names; he didn’t care. The Asian woman looked up to him from the bed. She was so hot. The last guy must’ve been a total loser to step out like that. This was paradise. 

This one was particularly special. Hayden had taken her virginity not so long ago; she was still Heaven. Lost in the act, he didn’t realize when a black substance started leaking beneath the door. When the scream cut the audio off, loud as it was, both him and the woman ran for cover. A few seconds later there was another scream, coming from behind the door. 

When Hayden opened it, he froze. Sitting on the ground, soaked in black ichor, there was a very pregnant woman. She only had a torn hospital gown on her, and Hayden could recognize the branding mark all the Heavenly Hoes girls had. Next to her there was a baby. It didn’t look human at all.

Content warning: psychological and physical abuse, domestic violence.

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I don’t have a lover. I have two husbands.

One makes me feel safe and warm. The other has me afraid I do so much as breathe wrongly near him. I never know which one is gonna greet me after I step into our house. 

Seb is the one who usually gets me flowers. Good husband. He’s so sweet. He remembered our anniversary last month. Took me to this really nice restaurant I’ve been wanting to go for a while. We had a super romantic date. 

The other… the other was mad when I got home later than usual. He demanded knowing who I was with, why I didn’t let him know where I’d be, if I had arrived, when I’d be coming home. Bad husband. He threatened me with divorce. Many times. But if I lose him, I lose Seb. I can’t lose Seb.

Seb said I was pretty the other day after I came from work. Good husband. I don’t know how he can find me pretty even when exhausted, with my hair full of frizz and make up already ruined. We slept together then. 

The next morning Sebastian pinned me against the wall. Not in an exciting sensual way. Bad husband. He had seen a text from one of my boy friends that he didn’t like. Kevin. It simply said: It was nice catching up after so long. We should do this more often.

He held me so strongly I still have the bruises to prove it. He screamed at me. 

“What is this? Is this what you do when I’m not around?! Are you cheating on me, Grace?”

I told him it was nothing. That he was just a friend. My best friend. 

“We just had lunch together, that’s all”, I pleaded. 

I saw him leave in a rush later that day. I haven’t seen Kevin since. 

Seb comforted me. He kept me distracted with movies and a really nice massage. He’s always been there for me. Always making sure I’m cared for and loved. He made me forget about it all for a bit.

Kevin’s mom called me not long after. Asking if I had gotten any news from him. It wasn’t like him to vanish. 

“I know you two have been great friends since freshman year”, she said. “He really told you nothing about where he could be going?”

With my peripheral vision I could see that Sebastian was watching me. He had the TV on but his eyes were on me. I bit my lip and tasted blood. 

“No, Mrs. Jones, I really don’t know where he could be”, I responded. “We had lunch on Friday, that’s the last time I saw him.”

Sebastian almost jumped out of the sofa.

“Is that his mother again?”, he looked stressed. “Hang up.”

He made me block his mom and delete her number from my contacts. He made me do the same with all of Kevin’s family. And all my other boy friends too. 

Sebastian told me not to meet any of them in person. He would know. I didn’t ask how. I didn’t ask why. I just obeyed. 

A few days later I joined my sister for coffee. She asked me how I was. I had to lie. But I think she saw right through me.

“Is it something with your husband?”, she asked.

I frowned. What did she mean? Seb was amazing. Things couldn’t be better with him. 

Then I realized she might be talking about Sebastian. I denied. I didn’t want her to think me a coward. I didn’t want her involved. But she insisted.

“Remember what happened last Christmas? You called me crying because he had been so sweet with you all day. You thought he had finally changed. Then you got home and he had locked you out in the snow.”

She reached for my hand, her fingers brushing my pulse. I flinched. It still hurt. She noticed but didn’t bring it up.

“I still remember how you appeared at my doorstep afterwards. That vision haunts me every day. But you forget that every time he does something minimally nice to you. That man behaves like two different people, Grace. And one of them wants you dead.”

I pulled my hands free and changed the subject.

That night when I came home my husband was waiting for me on the dining table.

“Had a nice day?”, he asked. He didn’t look at me.

“It was ok”, I replied. “I’m gonna make dinner.”

He followed me to the kitchen and stood there. Silent. For quite some time. Just watching me. I was done peeling the vegetables when he finally spoke. 

“Did you go see your sister today?”, his voice was tense. 

“Yeah. I did”, I started chopping the potatoes. “She sent you a hug.”

“Liar.”

I could feel him creeping behind me, his presence making me shiver. I tensed. 

“She told you to leave me, didn’t she?”, he squeezed my shoulders. 

“Seb, you’re hurting me.”

“She thinks there’s someone better for you?!”, he turned me with force and held me in place. 

His eyes were open wide, his forehead full of wrinkles. If he was a dog he’d be foaming through his mouth. He looked like a maniac. 

“I don’t want you anywhere near your sister again. Do you hear me?!”, he shook me. “That bitch is trying to put you against me and I won’t let that happen!”

He grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks together until my teeth cut the soft flesh inside.

“Do you remember Kevin?”, he said, softly. “You haven’t heard from him in a while, right? Maybe your sister will vanish too.”

My hand did the job before I could actually think about it. I hadn’t even realized I was still clutching that knife. 

He gasped in surprise, and for a moment I could almost see Seb in his eyes. Shock. Pure shock spread across his face while red painted his favorite shirt. I’ve always hated that shirt. 

The next stabs I confess I did consciously. I liked how it made me feel. Like I was the owner of my own destiny. For the first time. 

I never had two husbands. I had one.

And he deserved to die.

My heart stops when I look at the board. My picture is right next to Bella’s. We’re going against each other.

No. No, no, no, no. Anything but this. 

We’re nudged to the stage. My mind is blank. My mind is racing. I think of nothing and everything at the same time.

I look at Bella, expecting… I don’t know what I expected. Determination, fear, worry, encouragement. But she’s just as catatonic as me. 

“Everything is going to be okay”, I find the strength to say as I squeeze her hand lightly in comfort. 

She just nods. We both know I’m lying. And for the first time I don’t think I believe in my own positive words. 

Before we step into the stage she pulls me for a tight embrace.

“I love you, Astrid”, Bella whispers.

These are her last words to me.

Then the song starts. It’s our song. The one I wrote for Bella in what it feels like an eternity ago. They knew. They did it on purpose. Just to make us suffer more.

I can feel Bella tense beside me. I caress her hand and look sweetly at her. She needs to calm down. She needs to be perfect. If this is the last time we’ll be singing together we should make the most of it. Enjoy it to its fullest. And have fun doing what we both love, one last time.

Bella sings first and I close my eyes to take in the whole beauty of her voice. It reaches me like a soft breeze on a hot day. Like the first summer rain. Like the delicate touch of a flower petal on my skin. Such a sharp and strong personality, such a sweet voice.

Few were the ones she invited in. That got to see the other side of her. The one that doesn’t have everything put together all the time. I feel honored to have been one of these people.

When I finally join her, our voices mix perfectly. It’s not just a simple song. It carries all our love, all our dreams and desires. It’s the symphony of our hearts. And they’ll have a hard time deciding who wins this. 

The thought then hits me like lightning. So sudden I almost miss the next note. We have no idea who’ll get to make out of this. There’s no way we know who they’ll consider the best out of us. Unless…

I look deep into Bella’s eyes as we sing, wishing, hoping that every part of my body, every fiber of my being screams how much I love her. Everyone else will think this is just for performance. But I hope she gets what I can’t say. I hope one day she understands what’s about to happen and why I did it. I hope she doesn’t stay mad at me for too long. 

I squeeze her hand one last time. Partially to give me strength and courage, partially to give her support. I give her a weak smile, tears forming behind my eyes. I can see her trying to make sense of it, but I don’t think she could have predicted my next move. I take a deep breath and then I do it.

I miss a note.

Just a single one. On purpose. 

That’ll be enough.

I can see the panic and confusion in Bella’s eyes. But I can only take these last few moments to look at her and record each of her features. To remember. Her short, rebellious dark hair, the way her grey eyes shine with tears when she looks at me.

I remember every rehearsal, the way we started off as friends, so shy around each other before we finally confessed. I recall how chaotic she can be, the wild late night karaokes with the rest of our friends, the things she managed to sneak in for all of us. Every memory of us floods my mind as I hear the last chords dying. 

Maybe she’ll never get it, but if my death means she gets to live then it can’t be a bad thing. 

I believe in her. She’ll live. She’ll escape.

The scores shine brightly above us as soon as the song is over.

The bullet hits fast. It’s quick. Almost painless. 

I lost. But I have never felt more like a winner. 

Astrid and Bella - art by my friend

Content warning: Torture, body horror, SA, forced sterilization, drowning, psychological and physical abuse, death. 

***

I open my eyes, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. The room – or should I say cell – is dark as always, and my whole body aches. I try to stretch, but I feel a tug on my wrists and ankles. I’m tied up with my hands above my head. My knees are on the ground. It’s almost impossible to even move.

I hear the heavy metal door yank open, and a tall elf slowly walks in, the faint moonlight shining on his platinum hair before the door closes behind his body, leaving both of us in pitch dark again. He enjoys every step he takes towards me, savoring the sight of me. Desperate, dirty, weak.

“What? Have you got so proud you’re even neglecting the banquet I gave you the other night?”, he looks down at my feet, at the scraps of food that still lie there. 

Untouched. Even though my stomach hurts with hunger. I couldn’t force myself to eat that. It was disgusting. And I knew I’d probably puke if I did. That wouldn’t do me any good. I need every kernel of strength I can keep.

He circles me and kicks the bowl, making the smelly mix fall upon me, sticking to my already dirty tattered clothes. I might look even more miserable now.

“You should be more grateful, prat. We treat you so well here”, he grabs my hair and pulls it backwards, tensing my neck and making me groan a bit. “Way better than what a filthy half-breed like you deserves”.

Half-breed. Filthy. That’s what I am. Not a human, not an elf, but a disgusting aberration, a mix of two races that shouldn’t be together. All because my dad fell in love with an enchantress – a witch in every bad sense of the word –, my mom, condemning me to a life of torture and suffering just because of the features I was born with. The pointy ears, an unsettling pair of eyes. That was enough. 

“Please…”, I say, my voice almost a whisper. “You’re hurting me”.

The elf then lets go of my hair and starts to walk towards the door. I can’t help but sigh in relief. Maybe that’s it for today. But once my hope has been raised enough, he turns and I’m hit with lots of flashlights that overwhelm me. The light and colors are just so bright, they blind me. He does it out of cruelty. He knows I’m used to the darkness they forced upon me. He knows that as a half-elf my eyes are sensitive. 

I close them, still seeing the lights flash through my eyelids. It burns. I know it’s only a matter of seconds until he comes to me.

“WHAT IS IT, SCUM?”, the elf screams in my ears. “CAN’T TAKE A BIT OF LIGHT?”.

I flinch, trying to get away from him, from his voice. But I can’t go far. I’m still tied. So strongly that the rope hurts my wrists and ankles if I move too much. 

“So this is how it’s going to be today”, he steps back, extinguishing the lights. 

No. No, I know what this means.

He unties me roughly from the walls – maintaining the knots on my wrists and ankles – and takes me to another room, dragging me with my face on the ground. He then ties me to a machine I know way too well by now. There’s a chair and a bucket already filled with water to the top. That means I could be left sitting here for hours. 

I don’t say a word when he charms the bucket and forces my head backwards the maximum he can so I’m facing the ceiling. I know it’d only be worse if I spoke up. The bucket then starts dripping water on my forehead. 

Drop. I hear armor clanging. Drop. I see the elven army coming. Drop. I see the fire consuming our village. Drop. I hear screams. My eyes get heavy and the elf kicks me awake. 

Drop. I see the shamans fighting. Drop. I see my dad running into battle. Drop. He’s on the ground. Drop. I see the soldier that kills him. Drop. I hear myself screaming. Drop. I feel my head get slammed. 

Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. 

My mind is blank. My vision goes black. As I fade into unconsciousness, the last thing I hear is the elf giggling.

***

I jolt awake. My vision is blurred. My eyes feel so heavy I feel like I might pass out any minute. I was forced to spend the whole night awake. 

The elf – I decided to call him Shen – stayed up too, torturing me until the sun came. But it was no effort for him. He doesn’t need sleep. I do.

“Come on, little bastard, time to wake up”, he says, turning the bucket now filled with boiling water on my head. My skin burns and I try not to scream, but it hurts too much. 

Yeah. I named him right. ‘Savage’. That’s what he is. 

“Now. Shhhhhh”, Shen muffles my screams by choking me, his long thin fingers closing off my neck with a tight grip. “You know what time is it? Time for training”.

These words send a chill down my spine. I know what he means with that. And each day is worse than the last. It’s been like this for almost five years now. They want to use me. Break me until I agree to work for them willingly. But I won’t. 

“They like to say you, half-breeds, get the best of both worlds”, he blindfolds me and unties me, dropping me to the ground with a hard thud. “How about we test that theory?”.

Shen covers my ears with beeswax and I can feel he steps back and waits a few seconds. Then I feel the pain. Sudden and precise, like lightning. A cut in my stomach. I place my hand there and I feel it becoming wet. It doesn’t feel too serious. But it hurt. And now I’m bleeding. 

I know he’s saying something but I can’t hear it clearly. I can only tell by the vibrations in the air. Then another cut. Deeper. On my right leg. Just on my thigh. More talking. He seems irritated.

I try to move, try to think. I try to predict his next move but without seeing and hearing it’s almost impossible to know what to expect. I’m helpless. 

Shen hits me on my head and I fall to the ground. He used something different now. Was it a brick? This time he comes close to my ears and screams. I can hear him now. 

“ALREADY GIVING UP, FREAK? YOU COULDN’T AVOID A SINGLE ONE? WHAT A CHAMPION WE HAVE HERE. CAN’T EVEN SAVE HERSELF”.

He strikes my back now. And I’m pretty sure I feel something breaking inside of me. I sense him stepping aside through the vibrations on the floor. I try to get up. I can’t. I can feel him coming once again. This time I manage to make him fall by striking his legs with mine. It was the worst mistake I could’ve made. 

“Savage…”, Shen growls.

He pulls me up grabbing me by the hair and smacks my face over and over again. He then drags me by my legs, burning my ankles with his hands and ties me up again. Upside down this time. 

***

My head is shoved down again. My hands are still tied. My feet are too. And I’m underwater, the cold current of the river touching my skin like a million knives. I squirm. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything. I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. 

Air escapes through my mouth. I’m dying. I’m fighting, but I can’t reach the surface. I can’t move. I just keep drowning. Water invades my lungs. This is it. It’s the end. I close my eyes. At least it’s over. 

Then my hair is pulled up. I gasp for air, coughing, trying to eliminate the water inside of me. I’m breathless. Shaky. My chest rises and falls so fast I fear I might pass out from hyperventilating. It’s all part of the plan. All part of the training. Part of the torture. 

“What’s the matter, filthy one? Can’t swim?”, it’s Shen again. 

At this point I have already wondered why it’s always him. I see other elves every now and then. Coming and going. But it’s always him taking care of me personally. He’s a constant. 

Sometimes I wonder if it’d be better having one of the others do it instead. But as far as my luck is going I might be better off with him. I just need to get used to it. Used to it… to this endless cycle of torture. Survive. I must survive. But why? And at what cost?

“What is it? The Sphinx got your tongue?”, Shen clutches my hair even more. “Maybe a bit of water might… refresh your memory”.

No. Not again. Not the water. I just got out.

My head goes down again. This time, he lets me drown until I hit the bottom of the lake. After a while I start seeing images in the dark water. The lack of air inside my lungs might be causing me to hallucinate. 

I see a lock of white hair. A smile I don’t recognize. A pair of eyes just as unsettling as mine. A face forms in the current: my mom. I can recognize her now from this one picture my dad had in his drawer that he always took out at night when he thought I wasn’t looking. I can hear her voice now. She’s singing in a language I don’t understand. 

I frown. If that’s the memory I have of her she must have loved me. But then why did she abandon me? Why did she abandon us?

Her image fades almost as fast as it appears, and I realize I’m running out of air. I open my mouth, wanting to scream. Shen can’t leave me here to die. They want me alive. I think. I hope. 

Do I? 

Bubbles rise in front of me. From my screaming. From the few air I still have left in my lungs. My vision begins to darken, my head feels heavy. I’m still fighting, desperate. I don’t wanna die. But maybe… maybe it’s better to just let go. I close my eyes, praying to the gods. 

If this is it, please let it be quick.

I black out almost immediately. 

Unfortunately, I wake up. I’m back in the cell. All tied up. Again.

“Not this time”, I can almost hear them say. 

Then when?

***

Next thing I know I’m outside again. Don’t know where exactly. They never tell me anything. Just when it’s time to act. Or train. 

The sensory overload is almost too much to bear. The sun hurts my eyes, the air is so fresh it makes my nose burn when I inhale. I can feel even the little grains of dirt scratching my skin. I’ve been deprived of all these things for far too long, isolated in that small cell with no window and no contact to the exterior world.

I breathe in deeply and squint my eyes, trying to concentrate. The crossbow feels heavy in my hands. I shoot and I miss again. Snap. The whip hits my back. Pain blooms slowly as I feel my clothes dampening with fresh blood.

“What’s up with you, wimp? Can’t see the targets?", Shen circles around me. “Try again”.

I bite my lips. My back hurts, making it even more difficult to concentrate. I prepare another arrow and sigh. I shoot. Crack. A sharp pain on my leg. I turn around to see Shen standing with the foot on my left leg, twisted in a strange position. 

He grabs my hair and pulls me up. 

“What’s your problem? Huh?”, he points to the targets and the arrows missed. “Well, if you won’t get these right, then I think you might just need a little more… motivation”.

Shen takes the crossbow out of my hands and hands me a kit of throwing knives. 

“Let’s see how you deal with living targets”, he smirks, gesturing to a guard nearby. 

The other elf leaves and soon comes back dragging a demonspawn by her horns and tying her to one of the targets. 

“You know what to do”, Shen says, pointing to the knives and to her. “Hit”.

“No! Please! I did nothing…!”, the elf muffles her cries putting a handkerchief on her mouth and then kicks her, bringing the woman down to her knees. 

I stare at the knives, then at her, then back at the knives. I paralise. I can’t do it.

“Come on, scum. We don’t have all day”, Shen prowls closer and chokes me. “Hit”.

He lets me go after a few seconds and I gasp for air. I don’t have a choice. I never did. Not since they destroyed my village and captured me. Not since they killed my dad and started torturing me to oblivion.

I throw the first knife. It hits close to her ribs. 

“Now now. I know you can do better than that”, Shen touches my neck with his nail, burying it deep into my skin, marking it. “Can’t you?”.

I throw another. It ends near her ears, drawing just a bit of blood. Her beautiful purple skin is glistening with sweat. It’s not enough. I’m missing on purpose. And he knows. 

“Enough, bastard! Stop playing around!”, Shen smacks me so strongly I go down on the ground. “You better kill this skank right now or you’ll be the next in line. Understood?”.

I look at her, desperate. I know what I have to do. I don’t want to, but I don’t have a choice. It’s her or me. 

I’ve gotten pretty good at this. So good I can probably do it with my eyes closed. I don’t have to see. I close my eyes and prepare to throw the other knife.

“Oh, no, no, no”, Shen comes from behind and forces my eyes open with his fingers, holding my head tightly so I’m staring at her. “You’re going to watch”.

Tears roll down my face as I see her realize what her inevitable fate will be. I can’t save her. I can’t save myself. I can’t save us. 

“HIT”, Shen screams in my ears, squeezing my head. 

I throw the knife. And the few seconds after that seem to take an eternity. The knife slowly continues forward – so sharp, so dangerous – until it meets its target. Then it gets stuck there on her forehead. Like an extra horn.

Doesn’t take long until I see life leave her eyes. They lose their spark little by little. Then they go blank. And I see the blood. Slowly coming out of the fatal wound. I killed a creature. I killed a person. I killed a woman. How better am I from my own captors now? 

Shen smirks. He seems finally satisfied. 

He drags me to the side and slashes me. Once. Twice. Thrice. He keeps going. Again, and again, and again. Because I didn’t do it the first time.

***

The sound of the heavy metal door being closed wakes me up. Shen comes to me slowly, passing his hand through his hair, his piercing cold blue eyes scanning me all over. 

His attention is different today. The way he looks at me makes me shiver. This can’t be good. 

“Look just how much you’ve grown, prat”, he says, circling me. His voice is full of something I don’t understand. He sounds different. “I could even say you’re almost… pretty”.

Shen grabs my face, squeezing my cheeks with his hand and turning my head to the side.  

“You’ve come a long way…”, Shen whispers in my ear. “And today is a very special day”.

He licks my cheek, his long tongue caressing it slowly. I flinch slightly and make a grimace. 

“Oh, you don’t like it?”, Shen hits my head on the wall behind me. “WELL, HOW ABOUT IT NOW?”.

My vision becomes blurry. I don’t faint, but I’m barely conscious. He hit my head too hard. He unties me and ties me to a table, in an uncomfortable star position. I’m all stretched.

Shen strips me, or actually, rips my clothes. The pieces fall to the ground, a poor dirty mess. I’m exposed. 

He hits me in the stomach with a hammer and I become more alert again. He then passes the hammer all over my body, slowly, appreciating every inch, every flinch, every shiver. I feel like he could hit me with it again anytime. He’s playing with me.

“So…”, Shen plays with some nails on his hands. “Are you regretting it already?”.

When I don’t answer, he hammers a nail right into my shoulder, piercing my skin. I begin to scream and he covers my mouth with his hand. 

“Shhhhh. Save those screams for later. I’m not done with you yet”.

He keeps hamming more nails into my body. My stomach, my legs, my ribs, my thighs. Only avoiding critical and vital areas so he wouldn’t risk getting me killed or drawing too much blood. 

“You see… I think it’s time we do some changes on you”. Shen takes a scalpel and passes it lightly over my belly, smiling wickedly. “Some of us might want to have some fun now. And we can’t risk having another scum like you roaming around, can we?”.

Before I can make sense of his words he cuts my belly from side to side. I scream. It feels like I’m being ripped in two. The pain is too much to bear. And he does it slowly, enjoying every second of it while I try to squirm, fighting what I can’t prevent. I’m not going anywhere. 

My vision begins to fade. I get flashes of the room. Of the vivid blood in Shen’s hands. His satisfied expression. My mind goes numb. I black out.

 ***

“Welcome back, little slut”, it feels like forever and not long enough when I hear his voice again. 

I put up an effort to raise my head a little and take in the vision before me. My belly is a careless mess of blood and stitches, clearly done precariously. Besides Shen, an irregular mass of something lays on a tray. I feel sick. My whole body hurts. Even in places I didn’t even know it could. I feel like I was just run over by a carriage. 

“It’s good that you’re finally awake now”, Shen unties me slowly, letting his eyes roam hungrily through my still naked body. He knows I’m in no condition to fight. “It’s a lot less fun when I don’t have you conscious for it”.

He forces me to get up and sit on the table even though I’m still dizzy. He then makes me stand in front of it. I continue immobile, waiting for whatever comes next. The fear of the unknown makes my heart beat faster each second. I try to control my shaky breath and Shen takes it as a welcoming sign. I want to cover up. But I don’t move. 

“Oh, no need to be nervous, sweetheart”, Shen plays with a strand of hair, soon moving his hand to caress my cheek. I shiver. The change of treatment just makes everything worse. “Nothing we haven’t done before. Although, of course, you wouldn’t know it. Unfortunately you couldn’t appreciate it yet. But I did”.

He lowers his head and licks my neck, biting it with force right after. A groan escapes my lips and he moves to my shoulder. He then starts to suck the puncture he made earlier, while continuing to hold me in place with his hands on my waist.

I try to get away from his touch but Shen tightens his grip and bites me hard right on the wound, making me scream.

“Ungrateful bitch!”, he grabs me by the hair and slams my head into the table. “Guess I’ll have to teach you how to behave like a good whore”.

Shen pins my hands to my back with one of his hands while he forces my legs apart with his feet, kicking me so I obey. He starts undressing and I turn my face away. I know the exact moment he’s done with it. I hear the clang the inferior part of his armor does when it hits the ground. 

With his free hand he keeps me steady, nails digging into my flesh. I’m not prepared for what comes next. Pain. I should’ve gotten used to it by now, but this time is different. A sharp pain between my legs every time he moves. Deeper. Harder. Rougher. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. My eyes fill with tears.

Together with that pain, comes the one that comes from my recently operated belly. I’m still sore from it, feeling it all too much. My insides feel wrong. 

The stitches break open with the repeated movement and impact. And the blood that comes from it soon adds to the one I can already feel running down my legs. 

Shen doesn’t seem to care about that at all. I bite my lips. I’m not gonna scream, I’m not gonna give him that satisfaction. I close my eyes, tears running down my cheeks, and I try to think of something – anything – else to distract myself from what’s happening.

I faint. When I wake up again, some other elf is looming over me. I blink, and another is in his place to claim me. They’re taking turns. All of them are getting their chance to have me. While I can do nothing but stay still. 

When they pull my hair I think of my dad caressing it at night before putting me to bed. When they moan against my ear, I think of the songs dad used to sing and play to me. While I’m filled over and over again, the pain spreading through my body, I try to think of dad’s gentle words to me when I fell and hurt myself. 

Dad… I can still hear his voice in the back of my mind. He’d tell me to be strong. To endure. To fight. But I have nothing to fight for anymore. The life I knew is gone. I’m bound to a torturous existence.

Amidst the pain, I wish another was in my place. That I could have died with my father, lost in the fire, buried beneath the rubbles of our humble house. Even impaled by one of those soldiers’ swords. Like he was. 

I scold myself with the same thought. This is wrong. To wish this suffering upon a stranger that deserves this as much as I do. I know if I die they’ll go after another. Some other innocent child like I once was. Yet all I want is for this to be over. I just want to sleep.

And so I do. I let the darkness embrace me, numbing my senses, taking the pain away. Only a smell reaches me – don’t know how, if it’s real or just a figment of my imagination. Chicken noodle soup. It smells warm and perfectly seasoned, exactly like the one dad used to make. 

I remember cold days sat by his side, the fireplace burning while we watched the snow fall outside through the window. It brings me this cozy feeling that almost makes me smile. It smells like home. 

Home… I want to go home.