I feel like a fraud (I just need to vent, i guess).
Hi, I’m from Brazil and relatively new to Reddit. This is my first post, and I’m using a translator to help me (so there might be a lot of mistakes). I’ve written and rewritten this message several times, so… here goes. (If this post is offensive, please let me know, and I’ll delete it immediately).
I discovered Technoblade at the height of the pandemic, mainly through clips and some gameplay I saw on YouTube and short-form video apps. However, I didn’t really follow him much (I knew almost no English back then, I know a little more now but it’s still not good enough), one of the first impressions I had of him was how skilled he was at PvP and how funny he seemed and how much fun he had doing what he did; I found myself laughing a few times at his gameplay and really enjoying the content. I wanted to follow him more often, but I was a kid... really dumb—I didn’t know how to turn on YouTube subtitles—so I ended up prioritizing YouTubers who spoke Portuguese.
I still saw his videos on my FY page every now and then, but in 2022 when the news broke, I found out about it on TikTok, and I remember crying a lot—I was like, “I can’t believe that YouTuber is gone; I watched one of his clips last week,” and I went to watch the “So Long Nerds” video and was in denial for a while and kind of depressed. I didn’t really know him well, but I remember feeling really bad.
In the first few months, I remember avoiding MCYT’s videos like the plague, but later on I always ended up going back and watching more of Technoblade’s videos—though I wasn’t really following him yet; it was just a few videos here and there that popped up on my FY.
Then, in mid-February, I was scrolling through YouTube and more of his videos popped up. I stopped and thought, “Now that I know more English, why not watch his videos all the way through?” (And it helps that I now know how to set up subtitles, yay!).
And it was one of the best experiences I can say I’ve had. He was so funny he’d make me laugh in the middle of the night, when I should’ve been sleeping. He was just as skilled as I remembered. His interactions with other YouTubers were ICONIC, and his voice has this effect—I don’t know, almost cozy, almost like a warm hug (that sounded really weird), and I found myself watching more and more (as much as possible—I’m in college, but luckily break is coming, and so is the marathon).
So I started wondering if I could really consider myself a fan, because I wasn’t around when he was here, and I didn’t know him very well. I wanted to make fanart—I’m a cosplayer—and I even thought about cosplaying his DSMP character, but it feels like I’m an imposter trying to worm my way into something I shouldn’t be a part of. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t have anyone to talk to about (my friends only follow Brazilian YouTubers).
I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's just self-sabotage or if I'm actually right in thinking I'm not a true fan—especially since I had the chance to meet him and see him perform live but didn't take it. If I could go back in time, I'd slap myself and say, “Go learn English.” But unfortunately, I can’t do that. I don’t know what Technodad and his family think about cosplayers and fanart or new fans, or what Technoblade thought about it, and whether it would be respectful to do something like this even now—especially since I’m not part of the fandom that actually followed him.
Well, I guess this is just me venting or something like that; I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to get out of this post. I tried to add a little humor—Technoblade didn’t seem like the kind of person who’d want us to be sad. This post isn’t meant to make anyone sad either. No matter what the community says, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop following his content. I think I just want an opinion on something more specific.
Feel free to use this post however you like—ignore it if you want, leave your opinion (they’re all valid), or if anyone’s in a situation similar to mine or has been through something like this and wants to vent, or just use it to reminisce about your most iconic moments.
So… I guess that’s it.