I know how this sounds
I asked you out once upon a time - you didn't take me up on it and honestly, I didn't get the impression you would. I did it anyway because at least then I'd know for sure. And that was the end of it, you know. Genuinely. I shrugged, thought "Oh well, at least you asked her" and moved on in about a minute. So why is it when you recently told me you'd started seeing someone, it killed me inside? We've been friends for years now. I've heard that from you before and not batted an eye. Why now?
If it's any consolation, I don't want this. I don't want these butterflies every time we meet. I don't want to fake a smile when I say "I'm so happy for you". It's so confusing to tell the truth and lie through my teeth simultaneously. I feel like such a bad friend.
I swear I've not always felt this way. I've not been biding my time or hiding ulterior motives. You've complained about guys doing that to you before, and on my father's memory, that isn't the case with me. You really were just a friend. I can't stress enough how hard I'm trying to get back to that and kill these feelings dead, because my God, it hurts. In the nicest possible way, they're wasted on you. I know you'll never return them. Please don't think any less of me. I can't help who I like as much as you can't help who you don't. Believe me, I wish I could. Like I'd ever willingly subject myself to this.
I can't stress enough how hard I'm actively working to get you out my head. I'm trying so, *so* hard. I'm still your friend. Always will be, if I can help it. I just happen to have fallen head over heels. My beautiful, goofy little dumbass. Of course I did. But I know when to let go.
I hope he loves you as much as I do.