u/KaleidoscopeReal8597 — reddlx

In the fall, I used to have one of the top 5k erg times on my high school varsity team as a girl and it was my first season on varsity. Then during the winter, I did winter training which was really emotionally exhausting for me. I started having a lot of confidence issues on the erg and having panic attacks while erging. But I kept pushing through because I really wanted to have a good spring season for my last high school season (but also my first varsity spring season cause I started rowing late). We have had two 2ks so far and I have been doing really bad on them. A lot of my friends who didn't even do winter training have been getting insane prs and recognized for that. While I'm really happy for them of course, I just feel like everything I did was for nothing. Its frustrating to give something your all, only to have no tangible outcome for it. I've been feeling really anxious about all of this and its been hard to end out my senior year feeling like a failure. It hurts so much because I am just so emotionally attached and in love with this sport, but I just don't feel like any of the work has paid off that I did.