Heart Transplant seeking Psylocibin treatment to mitigate fear of dying
Hi Reddit, I’m 31 years old(F) and have been living with a heart transplant for the past 16 years (transplanted at age 15 in 2010). I feel SO lucky to be alive and I am eternally grateful for the second chance I was given at life and for my donor! At the same time I’ve been living with this debilitating fear of dying, just the simple act of having to take the rejection medication every day for the rest of my life and being confronted with my mortality on a daily basis can be a lot sometimes. If I ever accidentally miss my medication I feel this overwhelming dread that I am killing myself and am disrespecting my life and my donor’s as well. I’m also incredibly hyper aware of my body to the point of having panic attacks if I feel any sort of weird twinge in my arms, chest, shoulders or back. I immediately spiral into thinking my heart is failing even when I logically know it’s not. I’ve been in therapy for most of my adult life; doing EMDR, and learning how to manage the anxiety on my own, as well as been on SSRIs to help curb the anxiety and depression I’ve faced from the cptsd of my medical experiences. ( I also had rabdomyosarcoma at age 2.5 and relapsed at 4 again resulting in a full hysterectomy as well as radiation therapy and “Vincristine” chemo therapy) so I’ve grown up in and out of the hospital for my whole life. As I get older I feel that fear of dying weighing down on me more and more but I’m still so young and I want to be free from the dread. I read a few articles about how psilocybin is used for treatment of terminal cancer patients who are facing a lot of fear about the end of life and that it really puts them at ease. I am desperately seeking some sort of relief but am too scared at what might happen to my heart if I took psilocybin on my own, so I would never want to do this without a medical professional to guide me through it, but I live in Florida where it’s not available as mental health treatment (only ketamine treatment is available and I feel weary of that) and doctors are not open to speaking about it with me so I was hoping I could find some advice or resources here on Reddit from a cardiologist who is open to this treatment! I would be soooo gracious for any and all thoughts on this topic! Thanks Reddit ❤️