u/Kindly-Meet7499

I came across this subreddit by chance, read quite a few posts, and the thing that caught my attention is that there are a lot of questions and hot takes, but not many pieces of advice that people can use. And some of the advice is honestly very bad.

Quick background so you understand where I'm coming from: I work in tech now, but before that I worked as a cabinetmaker, worked in the fishing/marine field as a captain and did all kinds of hard labor, was a designer, and spent more than 28 years leading Product teams with titles like VP, EVP, and CPO. I worked at huge companies, smaller companies, and started 3 companies, one of which I ran as CEO.

So, with the risk that this may sound a bit preachy, here are my thoughts:

People hire coworkers. Meaning people they like, people who are roughly at the same competence level as the team (not necessarily the same level of experience), people who complement those around them, people they can rely on, and people who solve problems without needing every tiny step explained to them. Even in jobs that look simple from the outside, being someone who can figure things out and understand what's going on is a huge advantage. You need to give the impression that you're someone they would like to work with. Ideally, by the end of the interview, the interviewer is hoping you do well.

How do you do that? You go into the interview prepared to tell stories that are interesting and show your value. A lot of interviewers aren't especially good at interviewing, so you need to give them something useful to work with.

These days, I screen for 5 things when I hire someone. I think they're useful in almost any job: Grit, Integrity, Empathy, Creativity, and Curiosity.

If you can demonstrate those five qualities through real examples, your chances become much better. What do I mean?

Grit: This is your ability to finish something even when things get messy. You want to show that you take initiative, that you can identify what's blocking you and deal with it (and sometimes that means asking for help, especially if you're still early in your career), and that you don't fall apart the moment something becomes frustrating.

Prepare a story that shows your grit. Talk about a difficult problem you had to get through. Give a brief version of the context, explain what got in your way, and describe what you did. If this is your first job or you're still junior (2-4 years), it doesn't have to be a work story. It could be from school/university, family, volunteering, a side project, anything. A good story can also be a situation where you realized something was above your current skill level, so you went to a manager or someone with more experience, got the right help, and still took responsibility for getting it done. Sometimes showing good judgment and humility is better than pretending you carried everything by yourself through sheer force. But if you're more senior, then I'll probably want to see that you can move things forward without needing a lot of hand-holding.

Integrity: Are you dependable? Can people trust you? One way to show this is to tell a story about a time when you faced a real ethical choice, and choosing to do the right thing cost you something. Or, if you're willing to be more honest, talk about a time when you made a wrong decision and learned from it. I don't mean ""I accidentally sent the wrong file"" or ""I missed a deadline."" I mean a time when you knew what the right thing was, chose wrong anyway, and had to deal with the consequences. If you use this kind of example, the point has to be what changed afterward and why it won't happen again. This matters more if there's anything in your history that might show up in a basic background check or a quick social media search. A little vulnerability in an interview, especially around integrity, can make the person in front of you start to empathize with you and root for your success.

Empathy: This is the ability to see a situation from another person's point of view and let that affect your behavior. I would prepare a story about a time when you had difficulty working with someone. Maybe you didn't like them. Maybe they were driving you crazy. Then something became clear and you understood what pressure they were under, what they cared about, or why they were acting that way. From there, maybe you built a strong relationship, or maybe you simply found a practical way to cooperate with a difficult person. Either version can show empathy and your ability to work with people who aren't easy.

Creativity: This may be harder to bring out naturally. When I interview people, I ask a lot of questions designed to get to this point. You don't need to put on a performance or try to look like a genius founder. Just be ready with a story about solving a problem in a non-obvious way. It could be a small business you tried, a community project, fixing a broken process at work, a fundraiser, a school project, even something like organizing a snow-shoveling route as a teenager. Sometimes I ask candidates to tell me about an idea they had for a company, product, nonprofit, or service and why that idea interests them. Then I ask them to think through several parts of it. Not because I'm expecting a perfect business plan, but because it shows whether they can think through an idea logically or whether they freeze as soon as their first answer is challenged.

Curiosity: This is the thing people forget. I want to know whether you want to understand things, or whether you're just trying to say the right words. Curious people ask better questions, learn faster, and often improve the people around them. A good example could be a time when you taught yourself a tool, or asked enough questions to understand why a process existed, or noticed something strange and kept digging until you found the real problem. It doesn't have to be dramatic. It just has to show that you don't stop at the surface.

I hope this helps. Remember that hiring managers are trying to imagine you as part of the team. They're asking: ""Can this person do the work?"" but also ""Do I want to work with this person every week?"" So you need to let them see enough of your real personality for them to be able to make that decision. I've eliminated people from an interview process because they were so guarded that I couldn't get any sense of who they actually were.

One more thing: while they're interviewing you, you also need to interview them. Prepare strong questions. Read about the company before you go. Have a clear reason why you want this job in particular, not just any job. And if you don't like the people interviewing you, try to understand whether these are people you'll be working with regularly or just people in the process. Sometimes a job isn't worth taking if you know from the start that you don't like the people."

and my husband's job search has been nothing like what we expected I always thought my husband's career in tech was completely secure. Over about 17 years, he built a rare technical specialty that companies used to chase him for. On top of that, he has an MBA, is very good at presentations, and has a strange, natural talent for selling himself and his ideas without coming across as salesy. I've lost count of how many times I saw high-salary offers come to him within a week of him casually saying he was open to something new. Several times, recruiters or companies contacted him when he wasn't even looking.
Then the wave of tech layoffs that happened last year reached him too. Like tens of thousands of others, he was laid off in one of the big rounds. At first, honestly, we weren't terrified. This is someone who has never had a problem finding work. Ever.
Now we're approaching about seven months, and I'm sitting in our home in the Bay Area with a low but constant anxiety that gets harder to ignore every so often. He has applied for more jobs during this period than probably all the applications he submitted during the rest of his entire career combined. We've tried almost every possible angle:
Remote roles? He applied. On-site jobs that would mean we'd have to move? He applied. Hybrid roles? He applied. Jobs three or four levels below his previous level? He applied. Positions paying a few hundred thousand less than his market value? He applied.
The part that has started to scare me is that his experience almost seems to be hurting him. His senior background, niche expertise, and leadership history - all the things that used to make him stand out - now seem to make companies nervous. Maybe they assume he'll be too expensive, or that he'll get bored, or that he'll leave as soon as the market improves, even though he has been clear that he is flexible on title and pay.
He has had professionals rewrite his resume more than once. He has started tailoring cover letters for each job instead of sending generic versions. He spends hours writing thoughtful messages to hiring managers, reconnecting with former coworkers, asking for referrals, doing cold outreach, cleaning up LinkedIn, everything.
After more than 140 applications, the result has been three HR screening calls that went nowhere. With a few of them, I felt like the job itself barely existed, as if the company was checking a box rather than trying to hire someone.
We have savings, so I know our situation is better than many people's. But I feel like real panic is starting to creep in. This market feels harsher than anything I've personally seen, and I graduated during the recession fallout around 2009.
I'm looking for any advice, unusual tactics, or honest industry insight that could help us get out of this loop. Has anyone gone through this with a spouse or partner who is senior in tech? What made a difference?

They're probably planning to push you out anyway. So make it cost them. And tell people.

Staying in your RTO job as a useless employee costs the company more than handing them a neat, clean resignation. Resignation is the easy little outcome they're waiting for, so they can avoid paying you what you're owed or getting into the mess of layoff procedures. Stay on the payroll as long as you can, do the absolute minimum and do it badly, and make them regret bringing people back to cubicles. And yes, get your coworkers involved too. Your manager will probably pull you aside for a "quick chat" and may start documenting things against you. Don't panic. That's part of the script. They were probably going to fire you anyway, especially with layoffs around the corner and automation eating more jobs every week. And don't be shy about posting on LinkedIn or Slack-adjacent spaces and telling others to do the same. One disengaged employee who doesn't care won't scare management, but a whole office like that might.