Hi, I've suffered from emetophobia since I was probably 8 but it was never truly bad. I used to do a lot of stuff, eat properly, go through stress without any problems. Until 2025.
For context in August 2024 my brother passed me a sort of stomach bug to which I was in fact sick. I thought it was okay and I even felt fine after it thinking it was truly not that bad. But about a month later I was starting to be scared about it again, having to open windows, sleeping was hard. After that end of the month I was fine again, sometimes stressed but life was going on fine just like it used to.
That was until January 2025 when I ate something I had eaten like 2 times already that month, a sort of comfort food I made when I didn't have time to cook a real meal and somehow when I ate that something in my head told me that I was gonna be sick. I scattered the thought away thinking this would pass I was just probably not that hungry at the moment, but the truth is that it never passed.
I am now 18 and since January it has gotten so much worst. I went from 65kg to right now 52.1kg. I feel constant fear over eating not even being able to eat some days I can only eat comfort food and it takes forever for me to finish something at times. I can't go through stress now as it makes me scared of being sick which means I can't talk about fights or problems with my bf, I have trouble hanging out with friends and sometimes having calls. I can't sleep because there are times where if it's too dark I'll get scared and so I need to stay up until the sky is back up so around 6am or more, even having a tiny light on that usually does well now still scares me.
I don't know what to do anymore, I told my parents which was very very very hard and asked to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist but I don't feel like they are pretty receptive to the idea. I am now underweight for my height and I'm truly scared of what my future holds because I hate this part of myself it's keeping me away from so much joy. I feel chained and I don't know how to set myself free again.
I hope people can understand my story, I might not be the best at explaining how I'm feeling but this seems like it has become too much for me to handle on my own. Also I don't know if I put the right flair in I'm so so sorry if anything in this post is triggering and could cause harm to someone.