I need advice!
I, 21F, need help deciding if I should keep pursuing music. It is a decision I have been stuck on for almost a year now, since orchestra has been a big part of my life for the last decade. I used to be double majored in my university’s college of music and college of business. I will not be graduating with my music degree next spring because I failed music theory really badly, and that’s stopped me from progressing through the rest of my credits. I barely passed it in high school as well and I think I’m coming around to the fact that I’m simply just not good at theory. I’ve been informed by my advisor I can still stay in symphony and even my private lessons, but I’m starting to wonder what’s the point anymore?
I won’t delve into all of my mental health issues in this reddit thread, but I’ve been through some pretty gnarly waves of depression, specifically this year and 2025, and it has affected the quality of my performance heavily. I simply just don’t do anything with my day anymore, and I don’t seem to care enough to change that. The only reason I’ve held on to orchestra for so long was because it was the only thing I knew I could show up to no matter what, but just showing up for rehearsal is not enough. I’m playing at a collegiate level and I don’t practice enough to retain and expand on my skills. In fact, I think I’m getting worse due to my lack of practicing, but that could just be in my head.
I love music very dearly, and every time I make steps towards quitting I break out in tears, but love isn’t enough to be successful. I feel like a burden to my peers who are actually putting in the work, and to my teachers who are trying hard to push me in the right direction. I sit in music classes and in rehearsals and feel like everybody knows I don’t have what it takes to be there. It feels like a lose-lose situation for me overall.
Does anyone have any advice? Harsh criticism is welcome, I just know I can’t sit on this decision much longer.