u/Lazy-Technology2839

After a lot of thought, I’m posting this here. If I’m wrong about anything, please call me out. Constructive criticism is appreciated. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether I have unrealistic expectations or issues I need to work on.

Yes, this is about marriage. I don’t want to get married right now, but I want to share my hell of experience from the last two years.

I am 28F, a doctor working at a hospital. After finishing my final exams, I was ready to get married, so my parents started looking for someone suitable.

Most men rejected me because I’m quite short. I expected that and have no hard feelings about it. Those proposals never even reached me my parents handled them.

The problems started when proposals came to me and I actually spoke to the men and their families.

1. They often seemed to assume that because I’m short and dark-skinned, my parents and I must be desperate to get me married, so I would agree to anything.

2. I don’t expect my husband to pay for everything.I expect him to earn halal. Also I am a working woman and can cover my own personal expenses like phone bills, skincare, etc. I’d even be willing to contribute to things like the maid’s salary. But I do expect him to take responsibility for basic household expenses such as rent and food.

3. I cannot live with his family. I need personal space.

4. I always ask whether they want children. Somehow, people laugh at this question as if I am stupid. My reasoning is simple raising a child requires time, money, availability of both parents etc. If we decide to have children, I want us to be mentally prepared and provide the healthiest environment possible.

5. One man actually asked what I had done with the money I earned before marriage. 😂 The tone was they have right on them too.

6. I don’t want a joint bank account. I believe both of us should maintain separate accounts and have financial independence.

7. Some families said they didn’t want dowry, but if my parents gave me gifts, they wouldn’t refuse them. The funny part is that I’m not getting a penny from my parents as soon as I announced that they backed up.

8. I even said I would be flexible about dowry I mean Denmohor and that whatever the groom could  afford even 50k would be fine. Somehow, his family interpreted that as me being desperate or having some horrible past. Instead of simply asking me, they actually went to my medical college to investigate whether I had some “scandalous history.” 😂 They found nothing, obviously, but were still suspicious. I understand that people have the right to do their due diligence before marriage, but I still don’t understand how being flexible about dowry translates into having a questionable past.

9. Then there were families who assumed that because I studied in the general line, I knew nothing about Islam or have a very little knowledge and started a debate with me about how should a wife behave according to Islam 😭

10. One was straight up pdf. He got confused with one of my cousin and thought I was a 11th grade student and she was the doctor. As I am short so I look quite young compared to my age. That man was 35.

 

There are probably many other things I’ve forgotten.

As for me, I’m not extremely religious, but I’m trying my best. I’ve never been in a relationship. It’s not because I never had the opportunity. When I was 21–22, I was talking to someone, but the moment he tried to hold my hand, I felt an immediate ick. 😂 Also the flirting in relationships give me severe cringe. So I ended that in 15 days. 

I do have many male friends, and they’ve helped me a lot. But I’ve always maintained clear boundaries. I don’t unnecessarily meet or talk to them privately, and I’ve tried everything to protect my reputation and character.

I expect similar boundaries and values from my future husband. He can have as many female friends he want but should have boundaries.

I believe marriage should bring peace, companionship and stability to both people’s lives, not unnecessary chaos.

So, honestly, where am I going wrong?

Am I being unrealistic? Are some of my expectations unreasonable? Or have I simply been meeting people who aren’t compatible with me?

Look I am not getting married or thinking about marriage. I gave up on that. But I want to identify my red flags and work on them.

Oh I forgot to mention One of the men rejected me because I watch cartoons and anime🤡🤡. I mean what?

I might sound old but do you guys remember the phone company Nokia which was assumed unbeatable in the early 2000s? Then came the Apple which totally changed the smart phone market. After that every company evolved with the time and experimented with new technologies and now in 2026 we triple foldable phones. But every company saw apple and understood that they needed to keep up their games Nokia thought it was foolish to evolve and stand their grounds and now young people don't even know their names. (It's not a tech review post 😅😅)

The thing is you have to evolve with the time & know your audience. I assume CH3 don't understand that. I know their current GL series doing well in TV ratings but the point is how much longer they can do that a doubt.

They have some extremely beautiful and talented actresses but they are failing to use their potentials. I also watched some of the straight dramas from them and I don't like them at all.

I guess everyone one saw The Water series that also doing well in the tv ratings. That series doesn't have any love scenes but is doing well.

CH3 is an old channel and a family channel I absolutely understand that but their choice of stories doesn't feel like that. I mean they bought the right of Dream of wedding day and Please love. Both of these novels have a lots of love scenes and you can't cut them because these are very essential for the story. Specially In please love the story can even start without love scenes and they are very crucial for the story to move forward. So if they want to make dramas family friendly then they should have bought novels where the love scenes aren't that important. Or just hire a decent writer if your budget is that short.

I love CH3 actresses a lot I want to support them but I can't watch their shows because those are that bad. A time like this you can't just focus on old people you have to attract Young demography also. Specially when the Channel is financially struggling.

I watched a taiwanese micro series named "Fruit" on YouTube. There wasn't even a proper kissing scenes but I really enjoyed it a lot. I recommend you guys to watch that then you will understand what I am talking about. Go watch please.