u/Leather-Passenger483

How does everyone handle feeling like you’re not the nastiest thing to walk the planet?

I am over 1 year post op and I feel like I’m tanking my own sex life with my husband because I’m scared. Scared of hurting my scar tissue/surgical area, scared of “getting another fistula” (i know it doesn’t work this way but anxiety is a bitch) scared of him seeing how weird my BH looks now, scared i cant shave normally, scared i’m not sexy anymore. Scared he sees me differently after witnessing draining, gauze, surgery, peri bottles, sitz baths etc.

The worst part? He thinks I’m irresistible. Always wants to touch me and always in the mood. And what do i do? Ruin it. Sabotage it. Because I’m awkward now??? Wtf.

My brain literally almost judges him…for wanting ME. Like how can anyone want this? My body looks so different. I’ve gained post surgery weight. Can’t lay normally from residual pain and he has seen me through 3 surgeries. I feel so gross and sad. Like who am i? It feels like i dont deserve to be sexual anymore. Please tell me i’m not alone.

How did you get past this?

Context: I only think I AM gross. I don’t feel that way towards anyone else. Virgo energy, clearly.

Has anyone else struggled to get back into a routine of working out?

I noticed that over the past year of this issue, I lost a lot of weight. Most likely due to me starting to take MiraLAX/get rid of extra fluid/obviously not eating normally. I think a lot of us lose a lot of weight not intentionally during this shit storm. I was not overweight to begin with, and I dropped about 8 pounds which is a lot for someone who’s 5 feet tall. However, now that I’m starting to get back to my normal self 1+ year later, I’ve noticed that I’m putting on more weight than I even was when this started. I’m also noticing that I’m still nervous to get back to working out, in fear of injuring the site, so I’m stuck in this weird limbo. Anybody else have an idea of how to work through this?

My current plan is to stick to very healthy, whole foods and nutrients dense meals, that will fuel me in a calorie deficit, but keeping up the protein and fiber so that I keep bowel movements normal and frequent. As many of us know, getting back into a workout routine is difficult after this type of illness, but I’m trying my best. Any other tips or tricks would be fabulous.

I spoke to my doctor about a GLP one and was shot down immediately because of me being a previous patient

For context: 29F, roughly 5ft tall
Started out: Strong, fit but curvy. 150lbs, lots of muscle

Lowest while recovering: 143 lbs

Now: 155lbs, all fat, i look COMPLETELY different.

Hello all! Quick question because I kind of feel like I’m on an island:

Does anyone else’s Cav absolutely hate going on walks? I have tried everything. She is also a terror on a leash even though we have gone through training. Her prey drive for squirrels is so bad and she barks at almost every other dog and person. She is so sweet, but likes to make herself known.

My 5 year old Cav cannot stand walks in general. She’s constantly either walking slow, pulling back to the house, or acting completely uninterested. She’ll go out and do her business perfectly and she is so well trained. I tell her to go potty and she immediately squats. But when it comes to walking, she hates it. I feel like I’m the only dog owner on earth that has a dog that will literally lay on the sidewalk and ask to go home. I want her to get her exercise. I’m hoping in the next six months we move into a home with a Yard so she can run around, which she seems to like. But any advice in the meantime to get her to start walking some more?

Anybody still not sitting properly 1 year post surgery?

(Fistulotomy, wound cauterization, botox etc)

Jump scare, but I still cannot sit. If i do, i feel nauseous immediately. I can only sit if I’m literally leaning all the way to the right or left. I feel fine, but i am so tired of people asking if i am ok. It makes others uncomfortable to see me leaning, even though its whats most comfortable tor me. I recognize a lot of it may be mental, but i also get sore almost daily still from this issue. Scar tissue etc. Please tell me its not just me😓

For extra context: I was left will a permanent (small) crater above my BH. Literally missing a chunk of tissue from the 3 procedures. I expected soreness, but it is now a daily occurrence of feeling discomfort, wether thats soreness, itching, aching etc. some days i’ll 95%, others i am 50%. I have also not gotten back to fully working out, because my skin in my crack freaks out with too much movement

Hey, all, it’s been a while since I posted. And I’m so thankful for that. Just a quick note before I yap, I hope things are getting brighter for everyone here. I genuinely know how hard it is and how long this craziness takes and my heart goes out to everyone.

Here’s my question/statement, and I will provide context:

I’m a year out from my first surgery and in September, I will be a full year out from my last surgery. Does anyone still feel anxious to get back to life? For example, I am going to the beach at the Jersey shore in July, which is my favorite place on earth. I love swimming in the ocean, and even a year out from my procedure, I am still afraid to swim. Anybody have thoughts on that?

For reference, here was my surgery timeline, which did not go as planned. But does it ever?

-April 2025 : Superficial fistulotomy

-Did not heal

-July 2025 : My fistulotomy wound basically turned into a massive fissure (we think the original abscess possibly came from this, but there’s no way to tell) So I had an EUA to rule out fistula. None was found, so they did a wound cauterization to help heal.

-Still didnt heal

-September 2025: Went to a new surgeon and had another wound cauterization and 100 units of Botox shot into my muscles to help the new wound heal.

Since then, I have been healing, but it’s been quite the journey. I have now seen a therapist for medical anxiety and PTSD. I have also been left with quite the crater above my BH, which makes cleaning very difficult and I am sore most of the time even a year out. It is permanent. I am now also never allowed to wipe my butt and have to use a bidet, as well as a portable one. Which actually turns out to be much cleaner, but difficult to travel with at times. But I don’t have pain going to the bathroom and I’ve stayed on top of my medicines to help me not get constipated. This is just the new normal and I’m thankful that I’m even able to be with friends and family and somewhat eat normally again as long as I’m careful. Here’s the thing, I’ll never be the same. My diet has changed, my habits have changed, my anxiety level that this will come back has changed, and my personality has even shifted. I still cannot sit normally without having pain so I’ve developed this weird lean. This leaves you with wounds bigger than what you can just see

I am starting to get back to walking, but I do feel pain lifting heavy because I have pelvic floor weakness now. Not enough for therapy, but I’ll get there. I am now only a candidate for C-section if I want to have a baby. All of this to say, it does get better, but it’s OK if things are never the same. I’m thankful to just be out and about and not crying while I poop! There is light at the end of the tunnel

Now that I’ve gone on and on, back to my original question. Has anyone a year out gone swimming and been fine? This does lead back to my massive anxiety of somehow getting infection or something, while I fully know I do not have an open wound. Getting back to life is scary after being so traumatized.