Nothing is helping with suicidal thoughts
I have been in therapy for several years with several different therapists. The past year has been particularly bad, with daily intrusive suicidal thoughts and a near attempt about 6 months ago. Each day I catch myself daydreaming about how I could go through with it and make everything go away. I spend so much time trying to guilt-trip myself into staying here for my family. It keeps me from actually doing it, but it adds to the feelings of helplessness and shame. I don’t understand how therapy can help with this. I’ve done tons of iterations of safety plans and followed them over and over again, only to have the thoughts and urges come back a couple hours later. I also did a DBT IOP, which is advertised as one of the few things that actually helps with suicidal thoughts. That has not been the case for me any more than anything else I’ve tried (a bunch of medications-including lithium, CBT, EMDR, TMS, ketamine, ECT, IFS, CAMS, IOP, inpatient, and PHP). I find myself in these desperate phases of searching the internet over and over, trying to come up with something else I could try, but it always just says things I’ve already done. I have no idea what else to do or how therapy could start to be helpful.