u/LikeTheLike

I’m not sure if this is the right flair, I didn’t lose my job (yet), but am now on medical leave.
I have posted here before saying I was being forced to use AI on my video editing work, but recently I was put on the task to generate AI videos for a particular “script”. Someone was guiding me through this, “teaching” me how to make this slop. I became increasingly frustrated as I was trying to follow these convoluted steps, going from LLM to LLM, to static image generators, to video generators, back to LLM, grasping at straws so the AI would produce something completely horrifying, and UGLY (because it always is).
Every time they make me use AI, it truly feels like something inside my soul dies a little, but this time was worse. Good thing I work from home, because I started bawling my eyes out, having multiple anxiety attacks until a family member tried to talk to me about it and I couldn’t convey how much this was affecting me and why, they told me I was taking the work the wrong way, blowing it out of proportion, and I just… I started punching my monitor because it had the images of the AI generated videos on it and I wanted to obliterate it. I had a horrifying panic attack, couldn’t stop crying for hours, my hand was injured. Next day, I thought I was doing better because I was put on some other task, not as AI related, but still had to generate narration, but at the end of the day I had an even worse episode.
Long story short, I scheduled an emergency visit with my psychiatrist and was put on medical leave for a month.
I am dreading going back to work, scared of how bad it got. I didn’t realize how fucking drained I was, how bad my mental health had gotten because of it.
I don’t know why I’m putting this here, really, I guess I needed to vent. No one seems to understand why I hate AI so much, my doctor kind of brushed past it… generating those videos was so much more work than it was worth for the output, and I hate it. I hate how soulless it looks, how wrong it feels.
I’ve been thinking of switching careers entirely, but is there even a field that is safe from this shit? I’m kind of hopeless, because I’m not wealthy enough to be able to take the time to heal properly AND find another job or career.

This is gonna be me venting a little. To make a long story short, I work in post-production, and the company for which I work is pushing for AI usage more and more. I have never felt more burnt out than I do now. It's insane, how do these well educated, intelligent people, not see that everything AI churns out looks like shit? How do they manage to use it without feeling like part of their soul is being stabbed?
I am well aware that I'm a sensitive person, but being pushed to use this garbage has me so incredibly depressed. Every meeting is about new AI tools, if we don't peddle it and use it (which I don't) we're nagged for it, I'm pretty sure my job is hanging by a thread because I have lost all motivation. If I could, I'd quit, but unfortunately I can't. I don't know what to do anymore. It's desperate, all of it, and I feel like there's absolutely no meaning to what I do anymore. I didn't go to film school for this. I've had crying bouts almost every day this week.