Siguro, tama na ‘to
Hello. First time to post and I just want to get this off my chest.
This happened during 2022. I (32M) feel in love with a G-app hookup (33M). We did the deed twice, then after our third time, while nagcucuddle kami, he said that he loves me. ‘Yun pala high school palang kami (a year higher siya), gusto na niya ako kaso natatakot na sabihin sa akin kasi suplado daw ako. And during that time, I agreed to be his partner. We went on dates, we watched movies, did the typical things a couple do.
Then after three months, bigla siya naging cold. Bigla siyang di na nagrereply sa akin, then during our date sinabi niya sa akin na ayaw na niya. I asked why, and di niya ako sinagot. I felt my heart was ripped in two, kasi after years of being single, siya ang nagparanas sa akin na kamahal-mahal pala ako kahit overweight ako. Reluctantly, I agreed sa breakup and went our separate ways.
After that, nagspiral ako. Feeling ko di ako desirable and went on a fitness journey and I stopped doing my vice which is smoking. Then bandang November 22, nagkausap nanaman kami sa G-App and naging kami nanaman. Diba, ang tanga ko, pero mahal ko talaga siya. Di siya ganun kagwapo, pero moreno and very smart. During this time, bumawi talaga siya. Natakot daw siya nung una kaya nakipaghiwalay siya sa akin. Then me, as a lovesick na gay, I believed him. The weird thing during this time is hindi niya binura ang G-App, and ang reason niya is ‘yung naka-throuple niya (before naging kami nung first tjme) ay kausap niya pa and they became close friends. Di na ako nag-usisa, kasi I trusted him. Tapos, December 21, 2022, he broke up with me again. And the reason, he finds me very independent. Nagmakaawa ako na huwag. Pero, iyon naghiwalay na kami talaga.
Then during that time I saw him sa mall, kasama ‘yung dalawang naka-throuple niya and nalaman ko from mutuals na nagbalikan silang tatlo. Devastated ako, kasi nga kung sinabi niya sa akin ang totoo, hindi ako masasaktan ng husto.
Fast forward 2025, I reinstalled the app, and ewan ko ba nagkausap nanaman kami and nagkabalikan nanaman. We lasted for six months this time and I was really happy. Nung time na magkahiwalay kami I focused on myself, and I never had any relationships or hookups. Then ewan ko ba, while he was taking a shower nag-pop up sa screen ng phone niya ang notification sa app, na akala ko dinelete na niya. I cried, and when he finished taking a shower I asked him bakit siya gumagamit pa rin ng app. And the reason, hindi na daw siya satisfied sa sexlife namin. Kasi I always refuse anal sex, kahit magaling daw ako sa oral sex may needs daw siya. Mas umiyak ako kasi sana sinabi niya and that time nakipaghiwalay nanaman siya sa akin and I was left in ruin. Dito, bumalik ako sa vice ko. Nagpatest and thank God negative.
Then January 2026, nagparamdam nanaman siya. Sorry siya ng sorry sa nasabi niya, then inamin niya na aside sa binigay niyang reason ay naging FH din siya kasi he is very hypersexual. He promised na nagbago na siya, and mahal na mahal niya daw ako. So si gae, nakipagbalikan nanaman (I know, matalino sa acads pero tanga sa pag-ibig). Pero may sinet na ako na rule once mahuli ko siyang nagcheat, wala na talaga. And during our supposed second month celebration, I caught him with one of his clients sa mall. Hindi pa rin pala niya tinigil. Akala ko sapat na ako kasi I gave him what he wanted, then hindi parin pala. There and then, I said tapos na kami. Wala nang balikan. He cried, sabi niya he can’t control himself.
Nagpatest nanaman, negative ulit. Then after 3 months nagpatest nanaman and negative pa rin, thank God. Nagpacheck din ng STIs and all negative.
After the breakup, kinausap ako ng sister niya (legal kami both sides) and balikan ko daw kapatid niya kasi mahal na mahal daw ako. I said no, and tama na ang pagpapakatanga ko. Ang sakit lang kasi 4th breakup na namin, and nahihiya na ako para sa sarili ko. But I remained firm on my decision and blocked him kasi nakakasawa na makareceive ng messages from him.
Right now, I am surviving, thriving, and doing things to make myself better. The thing I learned is kahit paulit-ulit sabihin sa iyo na mahal ka ng tao, pero kung di siya magbabago wala ding mangyayari. I am learning to love myself more, and feeling ko is tatanda akong mag-isa. Siguro, tama na ‘to. Tama na maging tanga, time na for myself.