u/Loud_Abies_7721

posted something similar to r/Veterinary but the more words of wisdom the merrier :)

i’m (F22) starting vet school in the fall. for context, i lived with my parents throughout undergrad to save money in my hometown that i grew up in. i’ve always been super motivated academically and professionally and i have huge goals in vet med - but kind’ve at the expense of my personal life. I didn’t really date successfully but i did try and put myself out there. unfortunately i was met with a lot of rejection through the process which is natural. But in the latter half of my undergrad and now that i’ve graduated, I see many of my classmates (at least on the outside) successfully make plans about having jobs, going to graduate school, moving in with their partners, etc. Meanwhile, despite ending undergrad successfully from a school standpoint, I had falling outs with friends, didn’t keep a stable successful relationship, and i’m looking at another 4 years of school ahead of me and beyond, knowing that I want to do a PhD or a residency and specialize and always continue learning.

Sometimes it hits me that maybe one day I’ll have achieved everything I wanted in my veterinary career but at the cost of my personal life. Perhaps not ever finding “the one”, keeping friendships, or having a family. Especially with finding a relationship - with how female dominated vet school is, the limited time to do other things, and the number of my incoming classmates already going in with long term partners, I guess it makes me nervous.

I’m wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and any words of wisdom on finding the balance between growing their personal and professional life? I don’t want to force anything in my life, but I do want to be happy personally and have a family and friends to share the joy of my career with.

I’m a woman starting vet school in the fall as the standard 22 year old right after undergrad. I’ve just been so focused on my academic and professional life and evidently it’s paid off - i’ve gotten into multiple schools and scholarships and feel that the work I do is super rewarding. But it was the latter half of my undergrad where I felt like my personal life is just… lacking. I saved money by living in my hometown with my parents during undergrad, and having lived in the same city my whole life, I sometimes feel like it’s become so small. I’ve tried dating and much to my dismay, sometimes it feels like my luck is bad and I just can’t crack the “code”. I find that so many people that I personally have gone out with find my academic goals too daunting, or don’t want something long-term, or just don’t feel the “spark they’re looking for”. I’ve actually had people break up with me just because I’ve felt down after euthanasias at the clinic I work at and I was “too emotional about it” for them to handle. Meanwhile I see many of my classmates getting ready to graduate and find a job and move in with their partner. Even most of the other members of the incoming vet med class have long term relationships heading into vet school.

I’m going to vet school away from home, but it scares me to think about maybe how much my personal life is going to fall behind sometimes. I’ve always had big goals - maybe to get a PhD and keep working on the research side or to do a residency and find a rewarding field of vet med to specialize in, but regardless continuing to learn and grow my career is passionate for me. But at the end of all that, I feel like I’ll be missing feeling fulfilled in my personal life and all of a sudden, I’ll be 30 and finally accomplish those career goals… but I won’t have a partner or a family to share all of that with. And with vet med being extremely female dominated, I don’t know how I’d meet that person through my education or career, or if I’ll even have the time to try to meet them elsewhere.

I guess I just wanted to hear the perspectives and experiences of people who are students/are in the field already so I’m not totally in my head about this. Thank you 😊