Red Circles
The anemia started after the funeral. He had just turned sixteen when his father died.
"You're pale," his mother said, setting the plate down.
"I'm always pale."
"You're paler. Did you take your iron?"
"I took the iron."
"It doesn't seem to do much."
He'd been to the specialists. No hematologist could figure out why he was anemic. They all said genetics. His father had been anemic too. At some point his mother stopped making appointments and he stopped asking her to.
There were also marks on his arms and his legs, small red circles that never fully healed, some fading while others appeared. A dermatologist had called them “idiopathic,” a medical way of saying he did not know what caused them.
He was twenty six and he had never had a job, too weak to work. There had been interviews spread over the years.
"There's an opening at the IRS downtown," he said. "Seasonal, data entry work, mostly."
"That sounds perfect for you," she said. "When?"
"Thursday."
On Thursday morning, the room tilted when he sat up, and he lay back down, and he listened to her cooking downstairs for forty minutes before she came up and knocked, softly, the way she always knocked.
"You're not going?" she said.
"I can't."
"Then don't." She sat on the edge of the bed and put her hand on his forehead, the way she had since he was small. "You call them and you tell them you're unwell. Anyone would understand. Anyone with a heart."
"That's four interviews I missed now."
"That's four you were brave enough to try for." She smoothed his hair back. "You keep trying. You know what I think about that? I think that's the part that matters. Not the job, the trying."
Once a month she went out in the afternoon and came back after dark. She had done this for as long as he could remember. She never said where she went, and he had stopped asking sometime in his teens. She always carried the same black plastic bag out with her and returned with it full of something she took straight to the upstairs bathroom.
He made his own dinner on those nights. He noticed that he slept badly on those nights. He would lie awake past midnight, clear-headed in a way he almost never was, and wake the next morning without feeling groggy.
He sat on the couch that afternoon with his foot up on the cushion, picking at the little red marks on his body. He had been picking at them since he was a teenager.
He said he was thinking about a place of his own, once. He had said it before, a couple years ago, and each time she had said the same thing in a slightly different way.
"You should," she said.
"You'd be alone here if I left."
"I've been alone," she said. "That is not yours to carry."
"I know."
"I mean it." Her hand over his on the table. "Go. Go and don't look back at this house. Just get stronger. That's all I've ever wanted. Go when you're strong."
In ten years he had never had the strength to leave.
One night after her monthly outing, he woke around three to the sound of a plastic bag rustling. His mother stood near the foot of his bed, reaching inside it.
“What are you doing, Mom?”
She jerked upright and hid the bag behind her back.
“Why are you awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Didn’t you eat the spaghetti I left for you?”
“No. I made a sandwich.”
She stared at him.
“You didn’t eat it?”
Then she left without saying anything else.
He set up hidden cameras in the kitchen and his room. He suspected she was poisoning his food to keep him from leaving her.
Nothing happened for the first two days.
On the third day, one of them caught something, and he sat at his desk with the door closed and watched what had been recorded the night before while he slept.
Two hours of nothing. Then the door to his room opened. His mother stood in the doorway in her robe, looking at him for a long time. She said his name once, quietly. He did not stir. She said it again.
Then she came in with a plastic bag and knelt at the foot of the bed and drew the blanket back from his feet, carefully. She took something small and dark from the bag, pressed it against the arch of his left foot, and held it there patiently with two fingers. Then another and another. She checked his face once to be sure he was still sleeping.
She walked out and came back an hour later.
She returned them to the bag and pulled the blanket over his feet and stood a while at the side of the bed. She said something the microphone did not catch. Then she left.
He watched it over and over.
He waited until her monthly outing. He searched her room and found nothing. In her bathroom, he found the empty plastic bag beneath the sink and a styrofoam box. He opened the lid.
Leeches.
Dozens of them, sliding over one another.
Big and fat from his blood.
He packed a backpack. He could barely lift it into the car. He sat behind the wheel with both hands on it, waiting for the shaking to stop, and realized that he was in no condition to drive anywhere, and that he had not been in any condition for ten years, and that he never would be but he still backed out of the driveway and drove away.