Lessons from Your Elders
I shipped Dramione and Zutara way back when.In both cases, it was the obvious choice because there was an abundance of thematic and character moments that would have been exceptional. In both cases, the bland choice, the first choice, was made canon.
Another post pointed out that if Elriel didn't happen, it would serve as another Dramione. Sooooo, let's chat about these dynamics, because I think it could be insightful. I'm not gonna mention any in-book evidence, I feel it's obvious ;) where it connects and we all did our homework.
Both ship wars have been autopsied, and it's evident that the decisions were made based on the author, not the story. JKR (ew) wanted everyone paired off nearly and sorted into the existing status quo. She wrote the epilogue before the series. Bryke modeled Katara after Mike's wife, and there are plenty of interviews showing that the self-insertion kept them from pursuing the obviously superior option. There were fights in the writer's room about it.
In both cases, we have a couple that serves the writer's ego, and a couple that serves the story. Elriel/Elucien is the same (sorry Gwynriel, we're keeping with the MFM love triangle) However, this iteration is different, as SJM has talked about how her husband inspired Rhys and people have speculated that Feyre is at least partly a self-insert.
So, first lesson: it's ok if they aren't canon.
When I was in high school, it mattered a hell of a lot that Ron ended up with Hermione. Well, a decade later, we know that the author has poor decision-making skills and Dramione fanfiction is now getting published as a genre staple. The live action ATLA added scenes that are Zutara fanfic mainstays that were not in the original story.
Because, in both cases, duh.
It's a bad idea to spend a whole story setting up a theme and then take a left turn so you can stroke your ego.
Second lesson: Be confident anyway
The situations here are different. SJM has spoken extensively about letting characters influence the direction organically, and having ships manifest as the stories reveal themselves.
So, we have a couple that aligns with the themes and story direction, and a couple that...........? Well, it isn't ego, for sure.
We'll be fine gals